


Hero's Song

by LadyofAvalon



Category: Immortals - Tamora Pierce, Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce, Provost's Dog - Tamora Pierce, Song of the Lioness - Tamora Pierce, Tricksters - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Gen, songfics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-29
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 42,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofAvalon/pseuds/LadyofAvalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has their moments.  A series of songfics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alanna: Out of my Element

**Author's Note:**

> This series was begun a long time ago and really is not the best quality, but it was something I enjoyed very much and really gave me a chance to get into writing more than just my own little stories.
> 
> Song: Chemical React  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_You make me feel out of my element  
_ _Like I'm walkin' on broken glass  
_ _Like my world's spinning in slow motion  
_ _And you're movin' too fast_

Alanna watched Thom as he spoke with the Mithran Master, Si-cham. This wasn't her thing, sorcery, it was Thom's. This was way out of her element, out of her knowledge and expertise. This made her realize something – She and Thom were different people, they were no longer as close as they had been.

_Were you right, was I wrong  
Were you weak, was I strong_   
_Yea – both of us broken  
_ _Caught in a moment  
_ _We lived and we loved  
_ _And we hurt and we jumped yea  
_ _But the planets all aligned  
_ _When you looked into my eyes  
_ _And just like that  
_ _The chemicals react  
_ _The chemicals react_

Alanna ran to her brother's rooms in the Palace, there was something wrong. She knew it She opened the door and saw him instantly. He was pale and his skin was cold, even after weeks of being so hot. She reached out to call on her Gift, to use it to save him. Thom's eyes flew open, they had a haunted look to them, he was dying.

_You make me feel out of my element  
_ _Like I'm drifting out to the sea_   
_Like the tide's pullin' me deeper  
_ _Makin' it harder to breathe_

Alanna knew what was wrong instantly. Roger. Roger was killing her brother, and draining his magic. For a second she could barely breathe, this was like her confrontation with the ContJ Duke all over again. Thom was dying and nothing could be done. A tear slipped down Alanna's cheek, she felt so helpless and she hated it.

_We cannot deny how we feel inside_   
_We cannot deny  
_ _Were you right, was I wrong  
Were you weak, was I strong_   
_Yea – both of us broken  
_ _Caught in a moment  
_ _We lived and we loved  
_ _And we hurt and we jumped yea  
_ _But the planets all aligned  
_ _When you looked into my eyes  
_ _And just like that  
_ _The chemicals react  
_ _The chemicals react_

Alanna looked into her brother's eyes, knowing that this was the end. Thom had grown cold, cold as death. She could almost feel him fading, she wiped the tears from her cheeks as she listened to him use the last of his strength speaking to her. Another tear slipped down her cheek when he said "Love you. Always have. Always will."

_Kaleidoscope of colors turnin'_   
_Hopes on fire, sun is burnin'  
_ _Shining down on both of us  
_ _Don't let us lose it  
_ _Don't let us lose it_

Just like that. Thom was gone. Alanna couldn't believe it. They had grown apart, but she had always thought that Thom would be there…

_Were you right, was I wrong_   
_Were you weak, was I strong  
_ _Yea – both of us broken  
_ _Caught in a moment  
_ _We lived and we loved yea  
_ _Yea, yea, yea  
_ _We lived, we loved, we hurt, we jumped  
_ _We're right, we're wrong, we're weak, we're strong  
_ _We lived to love_

Thom and Liam had died on the same day. Her grief was horrible, but she bore herself through it. Alanna herself lit the funeral pyres with the violet fire of her Gift. She watched the flames rise higher and higher, until the engulfed the bodies of her brother and the Shang Dragon. The flames rose higher, and a dragon of blue-green flames surged from them, roaring with all its might. The dragon dissipated, leaving Alanna in tears of grief for her friend. Before she could calm herself, a lion made of purple fire rose in its place, roaring just as loud. The lion stepped forward and dropped something on the grass in front of Alanna. The lion's violet eyes gleamed like Thom's had when they were little. Alanna smiled slightly, "Good-bye, Thom." The lion nodded and disappeared back into the flames. Alanna picked up what the lion had dropped. It was a goldwashed bracelet with alternating stones of blue-green and purple, the colors of Thom's and Liam's eyes. Alanna held it up so that the sunlight hit it; two images appeared on the ground. They were still images of Thom and Liam. Alanna smiled, they wouldn't be forgotten.


	2. Alanna: Set Me Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Set Me Free  
> Artist: Casting Crowns

_It hasn't always been this way  
I remember brighter days  
Before the dark ones came  
Stole my mind  
Wrapped my soul in chains_

Alanna hung in the dungeon, literally. King Muggar of Scanra was not a kind man, particularly concerning the Tortallan prisoners he had attained.

From where she was she could see King Jonathan, stripped of his shirt and bleeding from a multitude of cuts and long gashes, hanging opposite her, his wrists shackled to the wall.

Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak was nearby, lying a few feet from where Jonathan was, both of his hands were severely mangled, and his left leg broken in at least two places.

All of the prisoners of this dungeon were injured in some way or another. Tortured for the amusement of the king.

She hung listlessly. Bruises speckled her body, most of her visible skin was a violent shade of blueish-purple. Almost anywhere there was unharmed skin visible, and a more than a few places where there wasn't, there were cuts and gashes.

She had been tortured for hours – she had been beaten by clubs and used as a practice target for the feral dogs, among other things. She could barely move, not that it mattered much to her.

_Now I live among the dead  
Fighting voices in my head  
_ _Hoping someone hears me crying in the night  
And carries me away_

Alanna just didn't care anymore. George was dead. She had seen him die, taking a knife to the chest while trying to prevent the Scanrans from taking his wife.

Nothing mattered anymore. She had lost George. She had lost her world. She didn't feel that she could hope anymore. Not without George…He'd been a big part of her life for the last twenty-four years.

The father of her children, and the love of her life was gone. Even after being taken captive and being mercilessly tortured, nothing compared to the emptiness and pain of losing him. Nothing ever would.

_Set me free of the chains holding me  
_ _Is anybody out there hearing me?  
_ _Set me free_

Her thoughts drifted back to the life she had lived. She wouldn't have changed a minute of it.

She still would have turned Jon down. She still would have disguised herself as a boy to earn her shield. Given a chance to relive her life, she would have done everything the same.

Except watch George fall in battle for her sake. Except let them kill him.

_Morning breaks another day  
_ _Finds my crying in the rain  
_ _All alone with my demons I am  
_ _Who is this man who walks my way?  
_ _The dark ones shriek  
_ _They scream his name  
_ _Is this the one they say will set the captives free?_

Dawn approached, the last dawn Alanna would probably ever see. King Maggot had ordered her execution. She was to hang just after dawn.

It was raining, too. It seemed fitting to the Lioness, after all, she would have been crying from the pain in her heart if she hadn't known that in the Dark God's Realm George awaited her.

The Scanrans had given her one last round of torture, jeering at her that the mighty Lioness of Tortall had been tamed, that she had no right to be called the King's Champion.

She hadn't cared. All she wanted was to see George again.

As she climbed the scaffolding, there was a great crash outside the gates. She was at the top before anything more happened.

The gates flew open. An army stood there. Queen Thayet at its head. Alanna smiled. The Scanrans would get what they deserved for all the people they had killed.

_Set me free of the chains holding me  
_ _Is anybody out there hearing me?  
_ _Set me free_

The army was motionless. Thayet gave them no signal, but smiled coldly at Muggar's men. From what Alanna could tell, the queen of Tortall was none too pleased with these men for taking her husband and her friends.

Slowly the front ranks of the group around Thayet moved aside. All Alanna could do was gasp.

_As the god man passes by  
_ _He looks straight through my eyes  
_ _And darkness cannot hide_

From amidst the cluster a man moved toward the scaffold. He was tall, with green-flecked hazel eyes, light brown hair, and a nose that was too large for good looks. George Cooper.

Alanna stood in wonder. He shouldn't have been there. He couldn't have been. She had seen him fall herself.

The Tortallan soldiers moved quickly, while Alanna was transfixed. All over, the Scanrans were dropping their weapons. George grinned wickedly at Alanna, plucking the key to the chains binding her from one of the men on the scaffolding.

_Do you want to be free?  
_ _Lift your chains  
_ _I hold the key  
_ _All power of Heav'n and Earth belong to me_

As soon as she was free, Alanna threw herself on George, ten times more than joyful to see him again. "How, George? I saw you die. How did you make it?" she asked, but George just grinned.

Shifting ever so slightly, he pulled away a portion of his shirt. A thick white scar showed where Alanna had seen the knife sink in. "You didn't think I was that easy to kill, did you, lass?"

Alanna buried her face in his shoulder, tear of joy leaking from her eyes. "I thought I'd lost you, George. Nothing mattered after that," she whispered.

George smiled softly, stroking her hair gently. "It's all over now, lass. It's all over."

_You are free_


	3. Kel: Out of the Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Out of the Blue  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_When something's pure  
_ _How can people just say we're not  
_ _Meant to be  
_ _And when something's true  
_ _How can people keep me away from you_

"What do you mean I can't marry Dom? He proposed last night, and I accepted!" Kel watched Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak with a disbelieving look on her face. This wasn't fair! She loved Dom, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, why couldn't everyone just understand that?

"I'm sorry, Kel, but his parents have arranged a marriage for him, they did it just over a week ago, without telling him." Raoul sounded sincerely sorry, but Kel didn't hear it in his voice, she sat down hard in the chair nearest her. She couldn't believe this was happening.

_Suddenly I'm all alone  
_ _Pushed away from nothing wrong  
_ _Don't you have the guts to say  
_ _How you feel about me  
_ _Out of the blue  
_ _They said we couldn't be together  
_ _I have to get over you  
_ _We've been given no choice  
_ _We have no voice_

Later, Kel wandered the palace gardens; her eyes were red-rimmed from crying. Dom had to leave in a few hours, to go back to Masbolle. He had been horrified when he found out. He didn't even have a choice.

_Can't even call on the telephone  
_ _Don't even know if you're at home  
_ _But to control just how we feel  
_ _Is between you and I, not for one  
_ _To steal_

It just didn't make sense. Dom wasn't the eldest of his family, nor did Masbolle need assets or money. What was this about? Why were they doing this now, when they'd had this opportunity for years and had never done anything? It just didn't seem right.

_Suddenly I'm all alone  
_ _Pushed away from nothing wrong  
_ _Don't you have the guts to say  
_ _How you feel about me  
_ _Out of the blue  
_ _They said we couldn't be together  
_ _I have to get over you  
_ _We've been given no choice  
_ _We have no voice_

Kel shook her head, this wasn't happening. Even as she gazed at the flowers she felt her heart breaking. What a change from the night before, when Dom had proposed out in the starlight.

She glanced at the ring on her finger; it was so beautiful, and Dom had picked it just for her. A tear slipped down her cheek while she looked at it. She'd never take it off, even if she and Dom couldn't be together, she'd always have a part of him with her, a symbol that his heart was hers, and hers alone.

_Just wanna hear what you've got to say  
_ _Are you feelin' the same, 'cuz I'm  
_ _Not OK  
_ _Thought when we met, there was  
_ _Something more  
_ _But the others said no – they shut  
_ _The door_

She heard footsteps behind her. She looked over her shoulder, meeting Dom's brilliant blue eyes, and another tear slipped down. Dom moved to embrace her, sliding his arms around her.

"It's okay, Kel. I'll find some way around this. I promise." Kel nodded tearfully, unable to speak, then buried her face in his shoulder. They stood there for a moment, then Dom gave her a last squeeze, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be back, Kel. I'm not going to let this happen," he said softly before he turned, and left for what could be the last time.

_Out of the blue  
_ _They said we couldn't be together  
_ _I have to get over you  
_ _We've been given no choice  
_ _We have no voice_

Kel watched him go, her heart heavy. She would miss him if he didn't come back, if he couldn't find a way out. She sat down on a bench, shaking with silent sobs. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever done, just watching Dom leave.

_Out of the blue  
_ _We knew we should've been together  
_ _Don't want to get over you  
_ _When love makes a choice  
_ _It has a voice_

Six weeks later, Kel sat in her office in New Hope. Nothing had changed while she'd been away. She sighed; she missed Dom more than ever now. She looked up when she heard a gentle knock on the door. "Come in," she called, not expecting anyone special. She was shocked when she saw who stepped in the door.

_Out of the blue…_

Dom grinned at her, his azure eyes sparkling. "Hi, Kel," he breathed. "Have you picked out your dress, yet?"A soft chuckle escaped him. Kel let out a squeal and practically tackled him in a hug. Everything was going to be alright after all.


	4. Daine: Breakaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Breakaway  
> Artist: Kelly Clarkson

_Grew up in a small town  
_ _And when the rain would fall down  
I'd just stare out my window  
Dreaming of a could be  
And if I'd end up happy  
I would pray_

Daine sighed as she stared out her window, there was so much to do in the outside world, but she was stuck in Snowsdale. She wished she could go out there sooner, and yet, she wanted to stay where she was, with her mother and grandfather, more. All she really wanted was to be happy.

_Trying hard to reach out  
But when I tried to speak out  
Felt like no one could hear me  
Wanted to belong here  
But something felt so wrong here  
So I prayed  
I could breakaway_

_It doesn't seem fair,_ she thought to herself, as she walked toward Cria with Cloud. Her mother was dead, and she was an outcast in Snowsdale. She'd wanted so much just to belong, but it felt wrong after the hunters had chased her – they had made it clear that they did not want her to return to the village.

 _I'll spread my wings  
And I'll learn how to fly  
I'll do what it takes_  
' _Til I touch the sky_  
' _N I'm make a wish  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

 _I have to try,_ Daine told herself. _If I don't take a risk, then I won't have a chance._ She knew she at least had to take a chance to try to get this job. If she wanted to make her way in life, she had to put herself on the line for what she wanted.

_Out of the darkness  
And into the sun  
But I won't forget  
All the ones that I love  
I'll take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

Looking up at the stars, she couldn't help but think of her mother, she had loved looking at the stars with Daine. She missed her so much. Daine would never forget her mother, that was for sure.

_Wanna fell the warm breeze  
Sleep under a palm tree  
Feel the rush of the ocean  
Get on board a fast train  
Travel on a jet plane  
Far away  
And breakaway_

The ocean breeze ruffled her hair as she sat down to tell Onua and Numair her story. It was so hard for her just to tell them this, she hoped that they wouldn't see her as a crazy monster and throw her out, like what had happened in Snowsdale. She had to break free of the influence of her former home; it wasn't where she belonged anymore. She had found her true home, Tortall.

 _I'll spread my wings  
And I'll learn how to fly  
I'll do what it takes_  
' _Til I touch the sky_  
' _N I'm make a wish  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

She was finally happy, learning how to control her magic from Numair, helping Onua with the horses. She felt like she belonged, something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

_Out of the darkness  
And into the sun  
But I won't forget  
All the ones that I love  
I gotta  
Take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

Daine watched her reflection in the water of the Great Inland Sea, another year had passed since her family had died. She missed them so much...

_Building with a hundred floors  
Swingin' round revolving doors  
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me  
But I gotta keep moving on  
Moving on  
Fly away  
Breakaway_

8 years later

Sitting on the window ledge, Daine couldn't help thinking back, she smiled, she'd come so far since Snowsdale. A lot had changed. She didn't feel alone anymore, not with Numair by her side. She didn't know where she was headed, but she was happy, truly happy.

_I'll spread my wings  
And I'll learn how to fly  
Though it's not easy  
To tell you goodbye  
Gotta take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

She'd learned a lot since Snowsdale, about her magic and about herself. She'd also come to learn that she didn't need to break free of Snowsdale, or her past. She just need to accept it. Really, accepting it was the way for her to breakaway from the pain it had caused her.

_Out of the darkness  
And into the sun  
But I won't forget  
The place I come from  
I gotta  
Take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway_

Daine glanced at Numair as he passed. "Thinking, Magelet?" Daine nodded, "Yes. About Snowsdale." Numair smiled slightly, "Good thoughts, I hope." Daine nodded again. "It doesn't hurt anymore, Numair, to think about it. I'm free…"

_Breakaway_


	5. Alanna: Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Let Go  
> Artist: BarlowGirl

_Yeah I trust in you  
I remember times you led me  
This time it's bigger now  
And I'm afraid  
You'll let me down_

There Alanna stood, wearing a white dress with her fiery hair bound up. She stood outside the door to the to the hall where she was to marry Jonathan. Now was not the time when she was supposed to be questioning her choice, but there she was, doing it anyway. For some reason she'd just been thinking about the fight she and Jonathan had had in the desert. It made her wonder if that was the right choice.

_But how can I  
Be certain?  
Will you prove  
Yourself again?_

Really, was this the choice she should make? Was it what was best for the kingdom, her, or Jonathan? She couldn't be certain, any way she picked, but maybe this wasn't the right one…

' _Cause I'm about to let go  
And live what I believe  
I can't do a thing now  
But trust that  
You'll catch me  
When I let go  
When I let go_

Thinking, she realized something. This wasn't her, marrying Jonathan, not really. This wasn't what she should be doing. They weren't meant to be together, they were both so stubborn and hotheaded; they'd just argue all the time. They'd destroy Tortall.

And, really, he wouldn't be there to catch her if she failed, he'd be too caught up in matters of state. If she let go, truly let go, of everything, Jonathan wasn't there to catch her; it was George who would, if she needed it. It was George who was there for her.

_What is this doubt in me  
Convincing me to fear the unknown  
When all along you've known  
Your plans are better than my own  
_ _And I know I won't make it  
If I do this all alone_

That much was all well and good, but how was she going to tell Jonathan this? She was supposed to go in there and marry him in just a moment. She bowed her head slightly, closing her violet eyes, "I'm sorry, Jon," she whispered. Glancing at Myles, she shook her head, "This isn't what I'm supposed to do. I have to just let go, and live the way I believe I should. Tell Jonathan that I'm sorry." Myles nodded, "Of course, Alanna. I knew you'd make the right choice. Whether it was marrying Jonathan, or just letting go." Alanna smiled at him. "Thank you."

' _Cause I'm about to let go  
And live what I believe  
I can't do a thing now  
But trust that  
You'll catch me  
When I let go  
When I let go_

Months later, Alanna strode into the palace for the first time since the wedding. She was different from the last time, she looked more vivid, her violet eyes sparkled, and she was more sure of herself, she had changed alot, and yet, she hadn't changed at all. Jonathan watched her as she passed, wishing she was for him, but he knew she wasn't. She was George's through and through. He smiled as he watched the Lioness go, knowing that she'd finally let go of the person she was trying to be, and become the person she was supposed to be. Somehow, he couldn't feel sad about it, it just seemed right.

' _Cause I'm about to let go  
And live what I believe  
I can't do a thing now  
But trust that  
You'll catch me  
When I let go  
When I let go_


	6. Alanna: Porcelain Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Porcelain Heart  
> Artist: BarlowGirl

_Broken heart one more time  
Pick yourself up, why even cry  
Broken pieces in your hands  
Wonder how you'll make it whole_

Alanna couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true. She stared at the messenger, unable to speak. She just shook her head, tears filling her eyes. George wasn't dead, he couldn't be. The messenger had said that George had been killed on his way back to Pirate's Swoop, after a meeting with Myles and Jonathan.

It broke Alanna's heart to think that George was dead. They'd been so happy just a week and a half before, when they'd found out they were expecting their first child. Now Alanna didn't know what she would do. She'd always thought George would be there, and suddenly, he wasn't.

_You know, you pray  
This can't be the way  
You cry, you say  
Something's gotta change  
And mend this porcelain heart of mine_

She couldn't take her mind of him, not even after another month. Thoughts of George seemed to have become her whole existence; nothing else could penetrate her now one track mind. Not even the letters from Jonathan, asking her to return to Corus, and live there instead of Pirate's Swoop. She knew something had to change, but it just didn't seem possible anymore.

_Someone said "A broken heart  
Would sting at first  
Then make you stronger"  
You wonder why this pain remains  
Were hearts made whole just to break_

A thought drifted to her mind, something Myles had told her – "Someone once said 'A broken heart would sting at first then make you stronger.' " An almost mocking smile appeared on her face, "A broken heart, make you stronger? Not even close to true…If it makes you stronger, than why does it keep hurting with a greater ferocity?" Alanna shook her head, it was all she could do to keep living without him.

_You know, you pray  
This can't be the way  
You cry, you say  
Something's gotta change  
And mend this porcelain heart of mine_

Years later, Alanna looked back on that moment, _it still hurts_ , she thought. The years hadn't dulled the pain. _People are such fragile things, but their hearts are made of the most breakable porcelain._ She shook her head as she rode forward, toward the battle in progress. _I wish George was here…_

_You know, you pray  
This can't be the way  
You cry, you say  
Something's gotta change  
And mend this porcelain heart of mine_


	7. Beka: Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Silence  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_I'll bet two years  
I'll bet one year  
I'll bet those years  
You won't be here_

Beka Cooper watched out the window of her second story apartment, her haunting gray-blue eyes wistful as she thought of the time that had passed since she'd seen Rosto. They'd argued, and he'd left. It'd been nearly six months since he'd been back to the Dancing Dove, and since he'd been seen in Corus in general. Considering that, Beka didn't think she'd see him any time soon. Somehow she was surprised how much she missed him.

_I guess I'll keep  
I guess you'll keep  
Every memory  
Sadly we may never be_

Sitting there, a thought struck her. What if Rosto never came back? It seemed like yesterday that they'd been honest with each other, and he'd started courting her as best he could. Beka had finally given in to her feelings for him, and then they'd gotten into that stupid fight. Now she couldn't even tell if they'd ever be together. A silent tear slipped down her cheek as she thought of something bad happening to him.

_I'll bet my tears  
I'll bet your tears  
I'll be those tears  
Over time could disappear_

Rosto the Piper flicked some of his white-blond hair from his face, suddenly feeling that he should have been back in Corus with Beka instead of where he was in Port Caynn. He really missed her, even more so whenever he thought of her.

_Wait a minute I have more to say  
And I care if you're listening to me  
I need you  
More than you'll ever know  
Still do  
Willing to let it show  
I need a minute just to get to you  
I feel like I might be getting through  
Come over and say nothing  
Silence is everything_

Less than a week later, both received a letter, something neither expected.

_Beka,  
I've realized something, you're more my life now than being the Rogue has ever been. I'm coming home, to Corus. I'm sorry for everything._

_Your faithful Rogue,  
Rosto the Piper_

_Rosto,  
I miss you.  
Love, Beka_

_P.S. I'm sorry._

_I know, I know  
Feelings can show  
If you let go  
I must be told  
That I've got a hold  
On what we used to have_

Once more, Beka sat at the window, staring out at the city, wishing Rosto was there with her. She sighed, glancing down toward the door to the building. Just as she looked, she saw it close. _Odd,_ she thought, _Kora and Aniki are at the Court, and there's no one else staying here._ She didn't have more time to think about it, just then there was a knock on her door.

_I will forgive  
If you forget  
All the things we said  
Let's accept it_

Beka stood and crossed to the door, hesitating before opening it. It was Rosto. Beka let out a small shriek, and threw herself into his arms. "Rosto! I missed you so much!" She didn't even realize the words were out of her mouth before she had the thought about them. Rosto grinned roguishly at her, "I missed you, too, Beka."

_I need you  
More than you'll ever know  
Still do  
Willing to let it show  
I need a minute just to get to you  
I feel like I might be getting through  
Come over and say nothing  
Silence is everything_


	8. Kel: Collapsed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Collapsed  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_You were the one  
That I couldn't find  
Hidden away  
In the depths of my mind_

It was early May at New Hope. Many things had changed; among them was the lady Knight. Kel wasn't the same person she'd been over the winter. No one knew why, in the whole village. In fact, the only person who really knew what was wrong was a certain blue-eyed sergeant, who was at Fort Mastiff. They missed each other; yet, neither could bear to face the other. Not anymore.

_Why did I let you go, you're too good  
To be true  
I messed it up and now I don't know  
What to do  
We ran in circles and wasted time  
From right to wrong, from right  
To wrong  
If I knew that you were mine  
I wouldn't have wasted time  
I wish I could erase the past  
Now it's all collapsed in my lap_

The most confused of all, by far was Neal. He couldn't understand what was wrong with his friend, or why his cousin had suddenly become surly in his letters, and wouldn't even mention the Lady Knight, when asked. What confused him most was that Kel and Dom had spent so much time together when she and Neal had been at Fort Mastiff that winter. What had happened?

_I over thought  
So I locked up my heart – yeah  
There you stood  
Your blue eyes hidden beneath  
Your hood_

Kel stared out the window, into the falling rain. The weather outside seemed to mirror her mood. Neal was trying to make her laugh, but it wasn't working. She couldn't bring herself to even smile anymore.

_-Flashback-_

_She stood at table near the edge of the dance floor, speaking with one of the few women at Mastiff. They'd been talking of nothing more than what was going on at New Hope, and in Corus. Then the woman had asked if what was being said about Kel and Dom was true. Kel blushed instantly, shaking her head. "No, Dom and I are just friends, nothing more." There was a sound behind Kel, and she turned to see Dom there. His face was practically blank, but the disappointment, and the betrayal, showed through, and there was hurt and even anger in his eyes. He just shook his head at Kel, then turned and walked away._

_-End flashback-_

She hadn't realized that he'd been listening, and that she'd been lying to herself, as much as the woman she'd been speaking to. Maybe she would have been happy now, if she'd known them. She shook her head. Life wasn't made for maybes.

_Why did I let you go, you're too good  
To be true  
I messed it up and now I don't know  
What to do  
We ran in circles and wasted time  
From right to wrong, from right  
To wrong  
If I knew that you were mine  
I wouldn't have wasted time  
I wish I could erase the past  
Now it's all collapsed in my lap_

Dom stood out in the rain at Fort Mastiff, he didn't care anymore. He'd been in love with Kel, and she'd broken his heart. From the walkway, he stared out in the direction of New Hope. His mind was constantly on her, every thought kept him going, and every thought hurt. He didn't know if he could go on like that.

_My mind is blank just like a clean slate  
Will I meet another guy with the same  
Blue eyes  
And the same name, with the Converse shoes I gave  
Will he have the same laugh  
Keep my homemade hat  
Bet I'll make another mistake  
And think he's just another fake_

All Kel wanted was to go back, and erase what had happened, but she knew she couldn't. That wasn't possible. She didn't think she'd ever forget those blue eyes, or his laugh, or anything about him, ever. She'd never forget the look on his face after she's said that, after she'd struck that blow. Now all she wanted was to have her friend back, even if they were never romantically interested in each other again, she just wanted Dom to forgive her for what she'd done.

_Wish I could erase the past now  
Wish I could bring you back  
If I knew that you were mine  
I wouldn't have wasted time  
I wish I could erase the past  
Now it's all collapsed in my lap_

Now, all she could do was apologize. Maybe he'd be willing to forgive her, maybe not. Everything in their relationship had already collapsed; it couldn't get much worse from there. She reached for a quill, and looked at the paper in front of her. Then she began to write.

_Dom,_

_I'm sorry…_

_If I knew that you were mine  
I wouldn't have wasted time  
I wish I could erase the past  
Now it's all collapsed in my lap_


	9. Alanna: Never Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Never Alone  
> Artist: BarlowGirl  
> Companion to: Porcelain Heart

_I waited for you today  
But you didn't show  
No no no  
I needed you today  
So where did you go?  
You told me to call  
Said you'd be there  
And though I haven't seen you  
Are you still there?_

The battle raged all around Alanna. She let the years of pain out on the Scanrans who were trying to destroy the country she loved, and the loved ones she had left. It had been years since she lost George, but it still hurt more than ever. Every second made her remember how much she'd lost.

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

"You said you'd always be at my side, George, now where are you?" She cried out, dropping to her knees in a now smoking section of the battlefield. She couldn't hold it in any longer. She didn't care who heard her. She felt so alone, he was supposed to be there. But he wasn't.

_And though I cannot see you  
And I can't explain why  
Such a deep, deep reassurance  
You've placed in my life_

Somehow, even that was reassuring; she didn't care if this was her last battle, anymore. As long as Tortall was safe, Jonathan could pick another knight to be King's Champion. As long as Tortall was safe, maybe she would be at as much peace as her life had left for her.

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

Her sword flashed, the battle was still raging, hour upon hour, the Tortallans became more and more exhausted. Alanna's every thought was on George, no matter what else was going on. Suddenly, from behind, something hit her. She dropped like a stone in water. She didn't even have time to think before she blacked out.

 _We cannot separate_  
' _Cause you're part of me  
And though you're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen_

Alanna woke to sun streaming onto her face. Where was she? Had she…died? No. This wasn't the dark god's realm. This was….Pirate's Swoop? How could it be Pirate's Swoop? When she'd passed out, she'd been far north, near the Scanran-Tortallan border. Looking around, she could see, someone standing at the open balcony, whoever it was was tall, but the sunlight blocked her vision. The person turned, and stepped back into the shadows. "George!"

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

She couldn't think of a time when she'd been even close to as happy as she was now. George wasn't dead, by some miraculous means. She was finally happy again; she could even go on with her life.

Even when she thought he was gone, he'd never left her. Years had separated them, for a time. One thing she knew now, was that she truly was, never alone. George was, and always would be, at her side. Through life and death. Forever.


	10. Kel: Potential Breakup Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Potential Breakup Song  
> Artist: Aly & AJ  
> Requested by DropletsofSalt at FanFiction.Net

_It took too long, it took too long, it took too long  
For you to call back  
And normally I would just forget that  
Except for the fact that it was my birthday  
My stupid birthday _

"Neal. You forgot about the party I had for my birthday." Kel watched her friend, who she now felt she was in love with. Neal looked up at her, distracted by the notes he was looking at. "I did? Sorry, Kel." He looked back at his notes, saying nothing more.

_I played along, I played along, I played along  
Rolled right off my back  
But obviously my armor was cracked  
What kind of a boyfriend would forget that  
Who would forget that _

Kel watched him later that week, the fact that he'd missed her small celebration didn't bother her, but he nonchalance, and the fact that he didn't seem to care did. How could he forget? He'd made some obvious attempt to court her, recently, so what had changed?

_The type of guy who doesn't see  
What he has until she leaves  
Don't let me go  
'Cuz without me you know you're lost  
Wise up now or pay the cost  
Soon you will know  
_

_You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' with me  
You're not winnin' – 'til you're winnin'  
Winnin' me  
You're not getting' – 'til you're getting'  
Getting' me  
You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' for me _

After a while, Kel stopped talking to him. That caught Neal off guard. He hadn't expected her to do that. What had he done wrong?

She thought she'd made that choice for a good reason, maybe he'd realize that he'd be lost without her. Or maybe he'd be the Meathead that Dom accused him of being. He wasn't winning her in the supposed courtship, and he most certainly didn't seem to care anymore.

_This is the potential breakup song  
Our album needs just one  
Oh baby please, please tell me _

_We got along, we got along, we got along  
Until you did that  
Now all I want is just my stuff back  
Do you get that  
Let me repeat that  
I want my stuff back _

_You can send it in a box  
I don't care just drop it off  
I won't be home  
'Cuz without me you know you're lost  
Minus you I'm better off  
Soon you will know _

_Neal,_

_I need that bruise balm back. Just leave it at my room._

_Kel_

Really, now she felt like she was free, without Neal tagging along. It was odd how liberating it was.

_You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' with me  
You're not winnin' – 'til you're winnin'  
Winnin' me  
You're not getting' – 'til you're getting'  
Getting' me  
You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' for me _

_You can try, you can try  
You know I know it'd be a lie  
Without me you're gonna die  
So you better think clearly clearly  
Before you nearly nearly  
Bust up the situation you're gonna miss  
Dearly dearly  
Come on_

Neal watched her in the mess hall, he was really confused now, he'd apparently done something to irk her. After a while, he just had to face it, it looked like he'd lost her, romantically at least. He was really going to miss that.

_You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' with me  
You're not winnin' – 'til you're winnin'  
Winnin' me  
You're not gettin' – 'til you're gettin'  
Gettin' me  
You're not livin' – 'til you're livin'  
Livin' for me  
_

_This is the potential breakup song  
Our album needs just one  
Oh baby please, please tell me  
This is the potential makeup song  
Please just admit you're wrong  
Which will it be, which will it be?_

'Come on, Neal. Just admit you were wrong, I'll forgive you. Make up you mind,' Kel thought, her hazel eyes tracking him as he walked out of the mess hall. 'What'll it be, Neal?'


	11. Dom: Sound the Bugle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Sound the Bugle  
> Artist: Bryan Adams

Dom was really starting to get tired of fighting Scanrans. It seemed like it was just a chore these days. They attacked almost daily, at varying times during the day. Now, his squad was fighting off what they could, with Kel's help. Merric had been hit by an arrow earlier in the week, and he wasn't being allowed out of the infirmary by Sir Neal the Meathead.

Dom swore as a Scanran's sliced his arm. Ducking to avoid getting his head cut off or his throat slit, he dispatched the soldier. After he did, for a moment, his view of Kel was unimpeded; he could see her fighting her own opponent. Suddenly, the man's blade surged through her guard. She gasped as the sword ran her through. Her shocked hazel eyes met his for a moment, before she dropped.

 _Sound the bugle now – play it just for me_  
As the seasons change – remember how I used to be  
Now I can't go on – I can't even start  
I've got nothing left – just an empty heart

"No! Kel!" Suddenly nearly everyone's attention was on him, including the few remaining Scanrans. Without even a thought, he dropped his sword, and rushed to her side. He was lucky that Wolset was nearby, otherwise he'd have joined the Scanran he'd just cut down. Even with Wolset's help, he felt something hard against his skull just before the dark enveloped him.

 _I'm a soldier – wounded so I much give up the fight_  
There's nothing more for me – lead me away  
Or leave me lying here

Dom woke in New Hope's infirmary three days later. He opened his eyes to see Neal standing next to his bed, scribbling something on a scrap of paper. Neal looked up, somehow startled to see his cousin awake. "Neal. Where's Kel?" Neal looked away, an odd look on his face, then he looked back. "She's gone, Dom. Dead." Dom stared at him, he couldn't believe it. Kel was gone.

 _Sound the bugle now – tell them I don't care_  
There's not a road I know – that leads to anywhere  
Without a light I fear that I will – stumble in the dark  
Lay right down – decide not to go on

It had been a week since Kel had died defending New Hope. They'd finally recovered enough to give their beloved lady knight a funeral. Lady Alanna, Lord Raoul, and Lord Wyldon had all come from their posts. Raoul was almost in tears for his former squire; Lady Alanna was even more prone to her Lioness eruptions, and Lord Wyldon wouldn't talk to anyone. They'd all known her well, Raoul as her knight master, Alanna as a fellow lady knight, and Lord Wyldon as her training master.

They each grieved for Kel in their own way, but to Dom, it didn't seem enough. Every second that went by, he longed to see her alive again; to hear her laugh, to see the sparkle in her hazel eyes. He'd seemed to have lost himself in losing her. He'd never noticed how much their friendship alone had meant to him. His grief was so strong that it seemed to consume him. He didn't now why; or how he'd seemed to have forgotten himself.

As Dom stood there, a presence seemed to wash over him, and a voice seemed to whisper in his ear. _"Don't forget who you are, Dom, not for my sake. You can live without me, I know you're strong enough. Take care of yourself, and watch over New Hope for me."_ He felt the slightest breeze; it was almost like she was there, just for a moment. He was really going to miss her.

 _Then from on high – somewhere in the distance_  
There's a voice that calls – remember who you are  
If you lose yourself – your courage soon will follow  
So be strong tonight –remember who you are

They were in battle once more at New Hope. It made Dom think of Kel – every battle they'd fought together, and her last battle – it always did. Even so, she was often on his mind in the months since she'd died. He still hadn't gotten over his grief, but it was better. He still missed her. Somehow he doubted that he ever would, but he had to go on. Kel would have wanted him to keep fighting for the people she'd worked so hard to protect, and had even died for. She would have wanted them to stay free.

 _Ya you're a soldier now – fighting in a battle_  
To be free once more…  
Ya that's worth fighting for


	12. Aly: Thoughts of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Thoughts of You  
> Artist: BarlowGirl

_Thoughts of you and how you changed me  
Fill my mind  
Without you where would I be_

Aly sat back in her chair, relaxing for the first time in days. Her thoughts drifted to Nawat, whom she hadn't seen in days. He was away, with his flock. She smiled slightly when she thought of him, she would be where she was without him. She'd probably be dead if it wasn't for him.

_So even as I try to express my thanks  
It never comes out how I hope  
I want to say so much more so with these simple words  
I'll try  
I love you  
My heart is yours, only yours  
I long to give you all of me  
My everything, my everything_

She couldn't even begin to express her thanks for him, or to him. The only way she could even begin to express how she felt was just to tell him that she loved him. It was so simple, and yet so complex. He was her world now, after all they'd been through, he was still there.

_I never could repay you  
You gave everything  
Without you where would I be  
You still loved me even when I  
Pushed you away  
You stood there and waited  
Till the day I'd return_

She remembered those days so clearly, from when she'd been made a slave to Dove's coronation. During her time as a slave in the Balitang household, she'd pushed him away when he'd made any attempts to, as he called it, 'mate-feed'; but he'd still waited for her. He waited until she finally realized what he meant to her. She knew he would have waited for her forever, if he'd had to.

_So even as I try to express my thanks  
It never comes out how I hope  
I want to say so much more so with these simple words  
I'll try  
I love you  
My heart is yours, only yours  
I long to give you all of me  
My everything, my everything_

Just then, Nawat walked into the room. Seeing his wife sitting at the small table, actually relaxing, he smiled. That was a rarity these days; more like it was a rarity period. As Queen Dovasary's spymaster, she seldom relaxed. He flicked some of his dark hair out of his face, as he came to sit down by her. She smiled faintly, it seemed like he was more and more human every day, and less crow. He wasn't the only one who'd changed; Aly had changed with him, she was very different from the rebellious young girl she'd been when she'd come to the Copper Isles. Their love had changed both of them, and she was glad it had. She loved her life, as busy as it was. She wouldn't change a thing, even if she had the chance. She had similar thoughts every day, about Nawat. Thought of him was what kept her going.


	13. Beka: How to Save a Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: How to Save a Life  
> Artist: The Fray

Beka practically stared at Rosto during breakfast. Kora sat next to her, chatting animatedly with Aniki. Beka frowned, Rosto was being surly, dark, and was just acting plain weird. Stuffing the last of her roll in her mouth, she stood up, just as Rosto finished his own food. Beka picked up her baton as Rosto headed for the door. "Rosto, wait up?" He glanced back at her, nodding sharply after a moment.

He waited for her at the landing. She bit her lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "Rosto, we need to talk. Why are you acting like this?" She just spat it out, watching him worriedly. Rosto shook his head, and smiled politely, "I don't see what you mean, Beka." With that, he stepped around her, and clomped down the stairs, leaving her standing there, wondering why she'd even tried.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
_ _Somewhere along in the bitterness  
_ _And I would have stayed up with you all night  
_ _Had I known how to save a life_

That night, Beka lay in her bed, wondering if she'd done something wrong. Rosto was never like that, it made her worry even more. Had she lost his friendship?

 _Let him know that you know best  
_ ' _Cause after all you do know best  
_ _Try to slip past his defense  
_ _Without granting innocence  
_ _Lay down a list of what is wrong  
_ _The things you've told him all along  
_ _And pray to God he hears you_

Again, Beka watched him during breakfast. He wasn't speaking to Aniki or Kora, and they'd begun to look worried, too. They didn't say anything, but they'd been glancing anxiously at him from time to time. This time, Beka got up first, grabbed her baton, and walked down to the landing.

When Rosto started down the stairs, he gave her an annoyed look. His eyes were stormy, he was not happy. Once he reached the landing, he stopped, crossing his arms over his chest, and looked at her expectantly. "Rosto, please, tell me what's wrong. I know there's something going on. You're surly, standoffish, dark, and you're not acting like yourself." Rosto watched her for a moment. "Nothing is wrong," he said flatly, then he walked away, leaving her staring after him once more.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
_ _Somewhere along in the bitterness  
_ _And I would have stayed up with you all night  
_ _Had I known how to save a life_

After her patrol, Beka sat on her bed, staring at the wall. She fell backwards so that she was staring at the ceiling. Then she heard the door to the building slam, and heavy boot-falls downstairs, followed by a long fit of coughing. She frowned and rolled off of her bed. What was going on with him?

_As he begins to raise his voice  
_ _You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
_ _Drive until you lose the road  
_ _Or break with the ones who've followed  
_ _He will do one of two things  
_ _He will admit to everything  
_ _Or he'll say he's just not the same  
_ _And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

She walked down the steps slowly, wondering if she should ask what was going on. She stood outside his door for a moment before she knocked. There was no answer. She frowned and knocked again. "Rosto, are you alright?" There was a pause, and the door opened. Rosto glared at her. "I. Am. Fine. Beka." She took a step back. "Stop asking. I don't need to have someone watching me like a baby, get it? I don't need you hovering!" With each word, his voice grew louder, "Go away, Beka. I'm just not the same anymore." Beka stared at him, her mouth slightly open. That had hurt. Then, she whirled and walked quickly out the door dashing away, once outside. She headed toward one of her old hiding spots, wondering why she'd even bothered. Rosto stared after her, his face softening, "What have I done?"

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
_ _Somewhere along in the bitterness  
_ _And I would have stayed up with you all night  
_ _Had I known how to save a life_

It was much later when Beka finally came back. She wasn't paying much attention, and she was three-quarters of the way up the stairs before she noticed Rosto sitting at the top. She tried to brush past him, but he wouldn't let her, instantly he was on his feet, barring her way. "Beka, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You can probably tell from the coughing fit you heard earlier, I'm ill…actually, the healers think I'm dying. I've been trying to disconnect myself from everything here, especially you. I didn't want to hurt you if what the healers say is true. Even so, I couldn't bear to die knowing that I'd hurt you, Beka. Forgive me?" The look on his face was pitiful, like a puppy being punished. Beka watched him for a moment, a tear slipping down her cheek as he told her. Then she nodded. "Yes, Rosto, I'll forgive you."


	14. Dom: Keep Holding On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Keep Holding On  
> Artist: Avril Lavigne

Dom sat in the infirmary, his head cradled in his hands. He jumped when his uncle sat down next to him. Baird raised an eyebrow, but shook his head. "It doesn't look good, Dom. It's unlikely that Kel will make it. There's nothing else I can do. I'm sorry." He placed a comforting hand on Dom's shoulder, then went back to his work.

Dom walked over to her bed, his eyes studying her pale face. _I'm here, Kel. Don't let go, please, don't let it be the end._ Sitting down, he reached out and touched her hand. She was so cold. He watched her anxiously, why did this have to happen?

 _Keep holding on  
_ ' _Cause you know we'll make it through  
_ _We'll make it through  
_ _Just stay strong  
_ ' _Cause you know I'm here for you  
_ _I'm here for you  
_ _There's nothing you could say  
_ _Nothing you could do  
_ _There's no other way  
_ _When it comes to the truth  
_ _So keep holding on  
_ ' _Cause you know we'll make it through  
_ _We'll make it through_

 _Keep holding on, Kel. Please, stay strong. Please, Kel, I need you._ He couldn't help wishing that her eyes would open, that she'd pull through. He knew his hopes were probably in vain, but he didn't care. At least he had hope. As long as he did, he could keep going. For now, at least.

_So far away  
_ _I wish you were here  
_ _Before it's too late  
_ _This could all disappear  
_ _Before the doors close  
_ _And it comes to an end  
_ _With you by my side I will fight and defend_

She seemed so far away, even though she was right there. He knew that all they'd been through could come to an end at any time, if she didn't pull through.

There was such a difference between when she was at his side, and when she wasn't. He felt so much stronger when she was around, so much more alive.

 _Keep holding on  
_ ' _Cause you know we'll make it through  
_ _We'll make it through  
_ _Just stay strong  
_ ' _Cause you know I'm here for you  
_ _I'm here for you  
_ _There's nothing you could say  
_ _Nothing you could do  
_ _There's no other way  
_ _When it comes to truth  
_ _So keep holding on  
_ ' _Cause you know we'll make it through  
_ _We'll make it through_

"Dom?" It was close to midnight when a quiet voice woke him from a fitful slumber. Kel was watching him with clear hazel eyes. A surge of elation rushed through him. She was okay. Kel had beaten the odds again, when it really counted. Dom kissed her on the top of the head, "I'm here, Kel. I'll be here as long as you need me."


	15. Jonathan: Remembering You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Remembering You  
> Artist: Steven Curtis Chapman

_I found you in the most unlikely way  
But really it was you who found me  
And I found myself in the gifts that you gave  
You gave me so much and I  
I wish you could stay  
But I'll, I'll wait for the day_

Jonathan stared at the funeral pyre. He'd never thought he'd be attending Alanna's funeral. Somehow, he'd always thought it would be the reverse. Jon looked at her pale face. To him - and to George, he knew - she was still as beautiful as she had been years ago.

His mind turning to the past, he recalled how they had met. Alanna had been Alan of Trebond, the smallest of the pages. She'd stood up to Ralon, who had bullied her because of her size, and she'd won her shield when everyone had said that girls couldn't be knights.

Finally, he snapped out of his revere, thinking that he'd wait for the day when he could see her again.

_And I'll watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering you  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
And I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you_

As the snow from the last snowfall of winter melted, Jonathan couldn't help thinking about Alanna. She had so hated the winter, the cold, and the snow. The aroma of he flowers and the twittering of the birds reminded him of her even more. If this was the way he felt, after losing her, he couldn't even begin to imagine how George felt.

_From the first moment when I heard your name  
Something in my heart came alive  
You showed me love that no words could explain  
A love with the power to  
Open the door  
To a world I was made for_

He could remember when he'd found out that she was a girl, and how….interesting it had been, trying to keep that fact from everyone else. Even more vivid were the years that they'd been in love. Alanna had made him who he was. If it hadn't been for her, he would have been dead many times over. Roger would have killed him, and if he'd survived, he wouldn't have become the Voice of the Tribes..

_And I'll watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering you  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
And I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you_

Another winter had passed, it seemed impossible to stop Alanna from entering his mind whenever he looked at snow. He really missed her. She'd been one of his best friends for years. Even though she was gone, it was still hard to imagine life without her.

_The dark night, the hard fight  
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost  
The brave death, the last breath  
The silence whispering all hope is lost  
The thunder, the wonder  
A power that brings the dead back to life_

He could remember Alanna's last battle so well. He'd been there. She had died saving Tortall's king, and killing Scanra's king, Maggur.

-flashback-

_The already injured Alanna fought her way up the hill where Jonathan and Maggur were dueling. It was so dark that it was almost impossible to tell the difference between friend or foe, it was raining, and Tortall's opponents fought ferociously against them. It was a long climb for Alanna, with both her wound, and her Scanran attackers plaguing her. Nearly as soon as she was at the top, Maggur made a vicious lunge at Jonathan. Alanna threw herself into the battle, imposing herself between Jonathan and Maggur. Maggur's sword hit home, and sent her reeling, but not before she thrust her own sword into his heart. Alanna fell to the mud, already dying. Jon fell to his knees beside her. "Alanna…" He couldn't go on, tears filled his eyes. "It's okay, Jon. I always knew that I would die defending my country. Please, tell George what I said, and not to mourn me. Tell him that I love him." Jon nodded, still unable to speak. "Thank you, Jon," Alanna said, her voice giving sign to her loss of strength. "Goodbye, Alanna. We will miss you. Thank you, for everything that you've done. We'll never forget you," he finally said, when he found his voice again. Alanna smiled slightly as the light in her violet eyes died away._

-end flashback-

_And I'll watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering you  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
And I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you_

It had been another year since Alanna's death, and now Jonathan had lost Thayet, too. He'd never forget them, that was for sure. There was no way he could, even if he tried. Together, they'd made a huge impact in his life, in ways he wasn't likely to ever forget.

_I wish you could stay  
But I'll wait for the day  
And though you've gone away  
You come back and_

He wished they could have been there for so much longer. He missed Alanna and Thayet more and more each day. It didn't seem fair that they'd been taken from him so soon. He wished that he could see them one last time….

_And I'll watch as the cold winter melts into spring  
And I'll be remembering you  
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing  
And I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you_

Jonathan watched as the years passed him by. Surprisingly, he was the last of the old group of friends who had once been so close that they were almost family. Raoul, Gary, George, and, of course, Alanna, had all died. He missed them all more than he could express. They wasn't a single person he'd trusted more then them, and Thayet. They rarely even left his mind anymore. He would never stop remembering them…

_And I'll watch as the sun fills the sky that was dark  
And I'll be remembering You  
And I'll think of the way that you fill up my heart  
I'll be remembering You_

The sun rose for the last time Jon would see it. It was time that he passed on his duties as king, and as Voice of the Tribes, Roald was more than ready. Even as the day passed, he remembered how Alanna and Thayet had filled up his heart. "I'll never stop remembering you, Alanna, or you, Thayet. It's not possible," he said, just before the ceremony was about to start. At the end of it, Roald would be the Voice, and Jon would be with those he loved again, and it would be Roald's turn to remember.


	16. George: Everything to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Everything to Me  
> Artist: Mark Schultz  
> Timeframe: Modern

_I must have felt your tears  
When they took me from your arms  
I'm sure I must have heard you say goodbye  
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake  
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried  
But you had dreams for me  
You wanted the best for me  
And you made the only choice you could that night_

George Cooper was not the man that he could have been. He thought that as he was walking down the street. He'd been adopted when he was less than a week old, and he wondered what he would say to his birth mother if he ever met her. He'd known her name for years. She'd been the one who had named him; she'd given him so much. He wondered what it had been like for her the night that she'd given him up. Had she been afraid that she'd made the right choice? Maybe he'd ask her if he ever met her…

_You gave life to me  
A brand new world to see  
Like playing baseball in the yard with Dad at night  
Mom reading Goodnight Moon  
And praying in my room  
So if you worry if your choice was right  
You gave me up but you gave everything to me_

As he thought about it, he understood more and ore how hard it had been for Eleni Cooper to give up her son. And he understood more and more how, by giving him up, she'd given him everything. She'd given him the chance to play baseball with his dad, have his mom read stories to him at night, to have a family. She really had given him everything.

_And if I saw you on the street  
Would you know that it was me  
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine  
Would we share a warm embrace  
Would you know me in your heart  
Or would you smile and let me walk on by  
Knowing you had dreams for me  
You wanted the best for me  
And I hope that you are proud of who I am_

He wondered what it would be like if he met her on the street, right then, even. Would she know that it was him? What would she look like?

He turned his attention back to walking, barely noticing the woman who was passing. She had dark chestnut hair that had a white streak in it, and laughing hazel eyes. She smiled as George's gaze hit her face. Eleni Cooper watched her son go, as he walked away, her heart heavy as she did so. Had she made the right choice for him?

As he continued on his way, George wondered if she would be proud of who he was, if he met her, not knowing that she already was.

_You gave life to me  
A chance to find my dreams  
And a chance to fall in love  
You should have seen her shining face  
On our wedding day  
Oh, is this the dream you had in mind  
When you gave me up  
You gave everything to me_

George continued to ponder that for a long time. Then he thought back to his wedding day. He wished that she could have been there...that she could have seen Alanna's shining face as she walked down the aisle. Was that the dream she'd had in mind when she'd given him up?

_And when I see you there  
Watching from heaven's gate  
Into your arms  
I'm gonna run  
And when I look into your eyes  
You can see my whole life  
See who I was  
And who I've become_

He thought toward the future, when he'd meet her in heaven. Then they'd know each other. In a way, he was almost looking forward to it…

_You gave life to me  
A brand new world to see  
Like playing baseball with my son late at night  
And reading Goodnight Moon  
And praying in his room  
I'm so grateful that I had this life  
When you gave me up  
You gave everything to me _

George was thinking later, while playing baseball with his own son, Eleni Cooper really had given him everything when she'd given him up. He was extremely grateful that he had that life. "Thank you, Eleni…" he whispered as they went back inside. "When you have me up, you gave everything to me."


	17. George: Never Far Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Never Far Behind  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_I know this really isn't you_   
_I know your heart is somewhere else  
And I'll do anything I can  
To help you break out of this spell  
I see you followin' your crowd  
I know you're tryin' to fit in  
But if you're gonna find yourself  
You gotta start from deep, deep within  
Hold on to what you believe_

George sat in his room at the Dancing Dove, thinking about Alanna. She had said that she was in love with Jonathan, but he knew better. That wasn't the Alanna he knew. This was someone else to him. He knew that she was just trying to fit in, and trying to find herself, but to find herself, she had to look inside, not outside. 'Just hold on to what you believe, Alanna, you'll find yourself.'

_I will always be your friend  
I know who you are inside  
I am with you 'til the end  
Never far behind  
I am standing in the distance  
You can take your time  
And I will be here waiting  
Yeah – Never far behind_

Another thought caught him before he got up. He really knew who she was inside, and he knew that he'd wait for her, always standing in the distance. He'd be there 'til the end, when one of them died.

_I am sending you a message  
Don't think that it's too late  
When you care about someone  
There is always room for change  
You're allowed to make mistakes  
It's a part of every life  
I don't see you any different  
The truth is shining in your eyes  
Hold on to what you believe_

"You can make mistakes, Alanna, that's part of every life, but it's never too late to call on a friend…" George whispered as he left his room. It almost hurt him to hear that she was in love with Jonathan, and not him. He could see the truth in her eyes, but there was also something hidden deeper..

_I will always be your friend  
I know who you are inside  
I am with you 'til the end  
Never far behind  
I am standing in the distance  
You can take your time  
And I will be here waiting  
Yeah – Never far behind_

"I'll always be your friend, Alanna, I'll be waiting here for you, if you ever need me, you can take as long as you want. I'll still be here," George said as he watched her ride off, back to the palace. "No matter how long it takes, I'll be here."

_Na na na na na na na na – Na na na na  
Na na na na  
You can take your time  
Na na na na na na na na – Na  
Na na na  
And I know with all my heart  
I will always be your friend  
I know who you are inside  
I am with you 'til the end  
Never far behind  
I am standing in the distance  
You can take your time  
And I will be here waiting_

As the time passed, George watched and waited, knowing that even if she didn't want the romance, he could settle for her friendship, for the time being.

_I am sending you a message…_

It was the winter after Alanna had gained her knighthood when George sat down at his desk, and wrote a simple message to her.

_Alanna,_

_If you ever need me, I'll always be here. If you need a friend, all you have to do is say the word._

_George_


	18. Kel: When the Mountains Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: When the Mountains Fall  
> Artist: Mark Schultz

_You stand on the edge  
You followed the call  
No turning back you are risking it all  
He whispers your name  
In a moment of truth  
The rocks fall around you  
The ground starts to move  
You step out on faith  
It's all that you know  
You jump into darkness and hold onto hope  
_

Kel shifted in the saddle, thinking about her life as a knight as she got situated to travel back to New Hope. It was then that Tobe came bolting into the stable, completely out of breath, "New Hope's in trouble." That was all he said before he collapsed.

Kel practically jumped out of the saddle, rushing to the unconscious boy. One of the women of Steadfast rushed up to help her. After she made sure that Tobe was in good care, she went straight to Raoul and Wyldon. If she was going to help she needed more help than just Neal.

She ran to Raoul's office, knocking hard on the door. "Enter," Raoul called. As Kel entered, he looked up. "New Hope's in trouble, I need help," she said before he could speak. Raoul nodded, standing up, "I'll send Dom's squad with you."

They left not an hour later - Kel and the third squad of the King's Own raced toward New Hope. All the while Kel thought about her knighthood. In a way, it was like standing on the edge, waiting for the call, standing there with strength, then jumping into the darkness, holding onto hope, and creating it for the people who needed her help.

_When the mountains fall  
When the rivers rise  
Security crumbles before your eyes  
The one thing you know  
In faith you'll find  
Something to stand on or you will be taught to fly_

She continued to think about that as they drew nearer and nearer to New Hope. 'I'm a knight, someone who's there to help when the mountains fall, and the rivers rise. I just hope that I won't be too late to help the people who are counting on me,' she thought.

_So dream your dreams  
And live your life  
Knowing there's more than to merely survive  
Don't give up, don't give in  
Fight through the rain and lean into the wind  
'Til you come to the edge of all that you know  
Run right through the dark knowing you're not alone_

Eventually, she did wonder what she would say to herself if she could go back in time to help herself make the choice between accepting the probation or going elsewhere. She knew that she wouldn't have told herself no. She would have told herself to dream her dreams, and live her life knowing that there was more than to just survive. She wouldn't have given up, and she wouldn't now. She'd fight through the rain, or anything that nature could throw at her.

_When you walk through the fire  
It will not consume you  
Though the water will rise  
It won't overtake you  
Though the mountains will fall  
Oh, still I am with you  
I've called you by name  
And I will not leave you  
I'm learning to trust you  
I'm learning to fly  
I'm learning to trust you  
I'm learning to fly_

They rode through rain and sleet, through a rising river. All the while all that was on Kel's mind was New Hope. The mountains could fall for all she cared, she wasn't going to stand by and let the people who counted on her fall into harm's way. She was their leader, and they trusted her. They were counting on her. She would never let them down, not while she had breath in her body. Not while there was something she could do.


	19. George: I Hope You Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Hope You Dance  
> Artist: Lee Ann Womack

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder_   
_You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger  
May you never take one single breath for granted  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed _

George watched Alanna at the ball from where he stood in an obscured corner. It had been several years since he'd realized that he loved her, and several years since she'd said that she didn't want his advances. Even while she still said that, he couldn't help but hope that she'd realize that every second was precious, that his love wasn't something to be taken for granted.

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean  
When one door closes I hope one more opens  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
I hope you dance…I hope you dance_

He hoped that she'd always see the majesty that the world had to offer. But most of all, he hoped that whenever there was a choice, to do something or just let everything happen, she'd do something. That she'd take the opportunity to dance instead of sitting it out.

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance  
I hope you never settle for the path of least resistance  
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin'_

George knew that Alanna would never take the path of least resistance when it came to achieving something; that she'd never fear something just because of who she was. 'When you live, you take chances, Alanna, but they're worth takin'. We never know what they'll bring. Love might just be a mistake, but it's worth makin', I hope you know that, my lioness….'

_Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter  
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider  
Give the heavens more than just a passing glance  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
I hope you dance…I hope you dance_

When George heard of Alanna and Jonathan's fight in the desert, it nearly broke his heart. He looked out at the night sky, wondering if Alanna was looking at the same stars where she was. "Don't let Jon leave you bitter, Alanna. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance, I hope you don't let Jonathan pull you down…"

_Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along  
Tell me who want to look back on their years and wonder  
Where those years have gone_

While the time passed, George realized something, not for the first time. Time was a wheel that was always in motion, moving their lives forward. Where had the years gone? It seemed like just yesterday that he'd met Alanna in the market.

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean  
When one door closes I hope one more opens  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
I hope you dance…I hope you dance_

It seemed that as soon as Alanna was back, she was off again – this time to Maren. All he could really do now was watch, wait, and hope that she'd take the chances that came her way…


	20. Alanna: Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet:  
> Artist: Relient K

_I think you know what I'm getting at  
I find it so upsetting that  
The memories that you select  
You keep the bad but the good you just forget  
And even though I'm angry I can still say  
I know my heart will break the day  
When you peel out and drive away  
I can't believe this happened  
And all this time I never thought  
That all we had would be all for not_

Alanna stared at the flap of the tent. It had been a week since she and Jonathan had had that fight. She was still mad at him. After all that he'd said, it would take a long time for the hurt to go away. But it hurt even more to think that this might be all that he though of her, only the bad, none of the good. She'd never thought that all they'd had wouldn't be worth anything to him.

_No, I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Know I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Cause you took this too far_

Alanna shifted, thinking. _I don't hate you, Jon. I'll always love you, but right now, I just plain do not like you. You took this too far. Maybe we would have been happy together, but I don't think so. I think we'd destroy everything we've both worked so hard for._ Alanna shook her head. She was going to miss him…

_Make you decision and don't you dare think twice  
Go with your instincts along with some bad advice  
This didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all  
You blame me but some of this is still your fault  
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge  
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge  
I think you know what I'm getting at  
You said goodbye and I just don't want you forgetting that_

When she thought of what Jon might do if she went back, she shook her head, and looked out toward the horizon that was barely visible through the flap. "You made your choice, Jon. You can't go back and change it," she whispered, her mind still on Jonathan. She was tearing herself up inside thinking about him, but she couldn't help it. At least, she didn't think she could.

_No, I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Know I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Cause you took this too far_

Alanna sat there for a while longer, thinking only of Jonathan, even when it caused her pain to do so. _I could never hate Jon. I'll always love him, but now I just don't like him. I wonder what he'd do if I said that to his face…_

She still couldn't believe that they'd had that fight, but it was all over now. Though, she could tell, one day this would come back to haunt them. They both had the emotional injuries that they'd inflicted on each other, and those would take a long time to fade. She shifted slightly. They would never have a fairytale ending. That was that. It couldn't be changed any more than the past could.

_No, I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Know I don't hate you  
Don't want to fight you  
Know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't like you  
Cause you took this too far_

'I'll never hate Jon,' she wrote in the journal she'd started when she left Corus. 'I never could, unless he changes so utterly and completely that he's not the Jonathan I know anymore. I don't think the love we had will ever leave entirely, but all the same, we can only be friends now. That's what we are meant to be, it seems. I can be content with that. I never wanted to be queen, I may want a family eventually, but not now, I want to do what I spent years working for. I want to carry my shield proudly as a knight, not set it aside and let it tarnish while I act as queen…'

_What happened to us  
I heard that it's me we should blame  
What happened to us  
Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way  
And know that I don't hate you  
And know I don't want to fight you  
And know I'll always love you  
But right now I just don't…_

_Jon blames me?_ Alanna wondered when some of the court gossip reached her ears. _Well, Jon, if you didn't want this to happen, why didn't you stop me from turning out this way? I never wanted that fight to happen, and I acknowledge that it is partially my fault, but it's yours, too…_


	21. Neal: This is Your Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: This is Your Life  
> Artist: Switchfoot

_Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead  
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken  
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes  
This is your life and today is all you've got now  
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have  
Don't close your eyes  
Don't close your eyes_

Neal sat back in his chair, thinking about what had happened to him so far, and how lucky he was to have a best friend like Kel. He wondered if she ever thought about her life like he did with his own. As knights, they didn't know if there would be a tomorrow, today was all they ever had.

_This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be  
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose_

He watched her as she worked her way down the hall toward her seat, talking to the refugees as she went. 'This is your life, Kel. Are you who you want to be? Is this life everything you dreamed that it would be, back when we were pages, when we had everything to lose if we failed?' he wondered.

_Yesterday is a kid in the corner  
Yesterday is dead and over  
This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be  
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose_

'Yesterday's over, there's no way to take back those choices. I can only hope, Kel, that you are happy with the life you've lived, and the one you're living,' Neal thought, as he watched her continued progress down the rows. 'I can only hope this is the life that you wanted, and you're who you want to be…' Neal's thoughts drifted after a while; it was a long time before he wondered that again.

_Don't close your eyes  
Don't close your eyes  
Don't close your eyes  
Don't close your eye_

_This is your life are you who you want to be  
This is your life are you who you want to be_

The next time he wondered about it, it was years later, when he and Kel were at Dom's funeral. Neal watched her sadly, afterwards. He knew that she'd been in love with his cousin. It had been clearly evident to those around her. Dom had even decided he'd leave the King's Own for her. They'd had so many plans, and all had come crashing down during Dom's last mission with his squad. _'Don't close your eyes, Kel, not to everyone else. This is your life; you can be whoever you want to be. The only question now is are you?'_

_This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, are you who you want to be  
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be  
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose  
And you had everything to lose_

As the time passed, he wondered that over and over again, but never said it too her. Then they day came when he couldn't, anymore. "I hope you knew, Kel. It was your life. You could be whoever you wanted to be. I hope it was everything you dreamed it would be, when we were pages, and we had everything to lose…"


	22. Daine: You Can't Take Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: You Can't Take Me  
> Artist: Bryan Adams

_Got to fight another fight – I gotta run another night  
Get it out – check it out  
I'm on my way and it don't feel right_

Daine tugged at the shackles binding her wrists. It was no use. She was stuck, and there wasn't a way for her to get free that she could think of. She was just going to have to save her strength for another fight. If she could get free, she was going to need all the strength she could get.

She was caught, and on her way back to Galla. This didn't feel right, not after what had happened the last time she'd been there.

_I gotta get me back – I can't be beat and that's a fact  
It's OK – I'll find a way  
You ain't gonna take me down no way_

The ground was not comfortable where they'd stopped. Daine shifted over and over again. She was determined that she wasn't going to be beaten. It was going to be okay, she'd find a way. She'd find her way back to Tortall, to Numair.

_Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it  
Don't push me – I'll fight it  
Never gonna give in – never gonna give it up no  
If you can't catch a wave you're never gonna ride it  
You can't come uninvited  
Never gonna give in – never gonna give it up no  
You can't take me I'm free_

One thing these people – whoever they were – needed to learn was that you shouldn't judge someone if you didn't know what they were like on the inside. Daine wasn't going to give in, not now, not ever. She would fight them for as long as it took…

_Why did it all go wrong? – I wanna know what's goin' on  
And what's this holding me?  
I'm not where I'm supposed to be_

Why had it all gone wrong? She had no idea how it had, or why. What was this that was holding her back? Why couldn't they've just let her alone? She was supposed to meet Numair, probably a few days ago, she'd lost count ages ago. She wasn't where she was supposed to be, and she was going to get out of there

_I gotta fight another fight  
I gotta fight with all my might  
I'm getting out, so check it out  
Ya – you're in my way  
So you better watch out_

Daine glared at the leader of the group as he slept. She had other fights to fight. She finally shifted in the shackles in a way that allowed her to get her hands out, unlike her shape-shifting had been able to do. She was getting out of there, and no one and nothing was going to stop her.

_Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it  
Don't push me – I'll fight it  
Never gonna give in – never gonna give it up no  
If you can't catch a wave you're never gonna ride it  
You can't come uninvited  
Never gonna give in – never gonna give it up no  
You can't take me I'm free_

_They'll never learn,_ she concluded as she raced away. She wasn't going to give up on anything, that's just how it was. She had her own waves to ride, her own places to go. She was free.


	23. Daine: Little House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Little House  
> Artist: The Fray

_She doesn't look, she doesn't see  
She opens up for nobody  
Figures out, she figures out  
Narrow line, can't decide  
Everything short of suicide  
Never hurts, nearly works_

It had been years since Numair had been killed in a climactic battle after expending his entire Gift trying to save Tortall. It had been years since Daine had been whole. Years since she'd opened up for anybody. There was a narrow line separating her from her animal self. The line grew smaller all the time. There was nothing pushing her back toward being human…Numair was gone…

_Something's scratching  
Its way out  
Something you want  
To forget about_

She could feel the unbridled wild magic pushing at the barrier. It was trying to scratch its way out. What had happened the last time it took over, before Numair had helped her, was something that she just wanted to forget about. This was one of the hardest parts of her life. Now, the only thing that was worse was living without Numair.

_A part of you that'll never show  
You're the only one who'll ever know  
Take it back when it all began  
Take your time, would you understand  
What it's all about_

On the outside, nobody could see her pain. No one could see her struggles. She was the only one who would ever know, not even Kitten would know. The only problem she could see was that she couldn't go back to the start, she couldn't do anything about it…

_Something is  
Scratching its way out  
Something you want  
To forget about  
No one expects  
You to get up  
All on your own with  
No one around_

She hated this. Her magic was tearing her up. After years of being under control, it was free. Now all she wanted to do was forget that she had it. All she wanted was her family back. Numair was dead, Sarralyn and Rikash grown, with families of their own, and Kitten was in the Dragon Realms more and more frequently. She was left alone most of the time. At least she didn't have to dig through her grief and pain anymore...


	24. Kel: Behind These Hazel Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Behind These Hazel Eyes  
> Artist: Kelly Clarkson

_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

Keladry of Mindelan sat on her bed, her face tearstained. She could put on a good front outside of her room, but only then. It seemed like just yesterday everything was okay. She had been so strong. Now, she felt so weak, like she couldn't breathe, like she was barely hanging on.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

She couldn't deny just how she felt inside. Once again, she was torn up inside, but this time by someone who was closer to her then Cleon. She'd thought Dom was the one who she could turn to, the one she could be close to, but she was wrong. Now, she wasn't going to let him see what he'd done. She wasn't going to let him see the tears she cried behind her calm hazel eyes.

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on_

She'd opened up to him, the way she hadn't with anyone else. He'd been there to help her, to make her feel alright when nothing was going right. Now, all she was left with was the pieces. She knew that she seemed so together on the outside, but she wasn't. She couldn't sleep; she couldn't be the commander she was before. It all hurt so much.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

She sat in her room for a while longer, still thinking about the ways it was the same with Dom and Cleon, and the ways it wasn't. With Dom there had been something more, at least, that's what she'd thought. Now all she could do was make sure that he didn't see what he'd done, that he didn't see that he'd broken her heart. She had to continue to convey that she was still who she'd been before. She had to keep the tears inside…

_Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore..._

Just walking into the mess hall, the men of the squad of the King's Own stationed at New Hope were visible in their uniforms, Dom at the far end, closer to the table where Kel sat with Neal, Merric, and the others. He glanced at her as she walked down the aisle between tables, his blue eyes soft, even a little bit sad. It killed her to walk by him, not to let herself think of him as a friend or her love anymore. She was done crying on the outside, but that didn't mean she couldn't be crying on the inside.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

She sat down, glancing at Neal. Neal was staring off into the distance, a rather ridiculous look on his face. He was probably thinking about Yuki, Kel thought. She looked back at her plate, trying to keep down the tears that were trying to form in her eyes. She couldn't deny that she was hurting inside, that she was just a bit envious to Yuki. Yuki had someone who loved her, something that Kel wanted with all of her heart now. She's lucky, Kel thought. She has Neal to love her. Who do I have? No one. She couldn't deny how she felt inside - alone and hurt. She looked up from her food to see Dom watching her. He turned away when he caught her gaze. She made up her mind at that point – he'd never see the tears she'd cried. Not the ones that she cried over him.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

So here I am, once more, with my heart broken. I'm just not cut out for this, I guess. Love isn't my thing. First Cleon, now Dom. When will it end? She thought to herself. Life wasn't fair. She knew she had to deal with it, but it was just so hard…


	25. Kel: Happy Go Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Happy Go Lucky  
> Artist: Steps

_Love, all my love was yours,  
Of this I was so sure,  
I guess I never saw it coming baby,  
But now I'm over the surprise,  
I'm wearing this disguise,  
So everyone can think I'm having fun baby,  
The world only sees me smiling,  
My pillow knows the truth at night,  
'cause that's where I hide my sorrow,_

Everyone thought she was okay. Everyone thought she was over him. She wasn't, and only she knew it. The only place where she would hide her sorrow was her room at night, before Tobe came in after dinner. Kel wasn't okay, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

_And they call me happy go lucky,  
They don't know my heart is dying inside,  
A smile's a frown turned upside down,  
I do my happy go lucky so well,  
I'm even fooling myself  
_

When she heard people talking about her, they always said that she was good at holding together after a tragedy. Inside, her heart was dying every moment she spent without him, without Dom.

_But now I've put it to the test,  
I know it's for the best,  
In fact it's good you walked out on me baby,  
I, I've learned how to survive,  
Without you in my life,  
So why am I still talking 'bout you baby,  
The world only sees me smiling,  
My pillow knows the truth every night,  
'Cause that's where I hide my sorrow,  
_

In a way, she thought, she could say that he walked out on her. In a way was a very general idea. He'd died. He couldn't come back. Living without him was so hard. Why did it have to be that way? It seemed like she couldn't deal with this pain. All the world saw was her brave smile, but all she ever saw was the brokenness inside.

_And they call me happy go lucky,  
They don't know my heart is dying inside,  
A smile's a frown turned upside down,  
I do my happy go lucky so well,  
I'm even fooling myself  
_

In a way, she did her act so well, she was starting to believe it herself. But only just. There was always that pain, hidden deep inside, where her heart died a little bit with every passing second.

_All my love yours,  
I guess I was so sure,  
When I see the morning light,  
I put on this facade,  
It's all I have to protect my pride,  
It's all I've got, this smile is all I've got,  
_

Her act was all she had now. There was nothing else keeping her there. She put on her smile every day, just as she put on the rest of her veneer when she left her rooms. It was all she had left now, only the surface that showed that she was still whole, only the surface was left.

_And they call me happy go lucky,  
They don't know my heart is dying inside,  
A smile's a frown turned upside down,  
I do my happy go lucky so well,  
I'm even fooling myself_

It all hurt so much. Why had Dom had to die? Why couldn't he have been one of the survivors this time, and not one of the ones who had died? Kel's mind went through these questions on a daily, if not hourly basis. She was starting to do her happy go lucky act so well that she was fooling herself. Maybe it was better that way.


	26. Kel: I'll Carry You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I'll Carry You  
> Artist: Rebecca St. James

_I know that look in your eyes  
I see the pain behind your smile  
Please don't hold it all inside  
Together we can run  
To the finish line  
And when you are tired  
I'll carry you_

Kel watched him, as he sat there, picking at his food. Ever since the fire at Fief Masbolle, Dom had been depressed. And now, to make it worse, the two of them had been separated from the rest of their group when traveling from Steadfast to New Hope to Masbolle.

It was hard to see him like this. He was holding it all inside, but everyone could see it in his eyes. He was hurting, and he wouldn't let anyone inside the barrier's he'd put up. ' _If there's anything I can do, Dom, by Mithros, I will…_ '

_I can't walk this road without you  
You cannot go it alone  
We were never meant to make it on our own  
When the load becomes too heavy  
And your feet too tired to walk  
I will carry you and we'll be carried on_

While she sat there, her thoughts drifted to what they'd been through since her time with the King's Own as a squire. That was quite alot to think about. They'd been through so much. One thing she realized while she thought was that she couldn't walk down her road without him – he'd saved her life several times before. But neither could he go on without her, not like this. This burden was too heavy for him to carry on his own.

_Share your burden now  
I will listen  
And when I'm weak  
Will you hold me to the truth  
That we can go on  
Three strands of chord  
Cannot be easily torn…_

Then she got up, and moved to the other side of the campfire they'd built. "Dom, are you alright?" She asked. He looked up at her with pained blue eyes, and shook his head. "No. It all hurts so much…" He trailed off, and looked away. "Dom, you can tell me anything, I'll listen. This burden is too big for you to bear on your own." She sat down next to him, and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

_I can't walk this road without you  
You cannot go it alone  
We were never meant to make it on our own  
When the load becomes too heavy  
And your feet too tired to walk  
I will carry you and we'll be carried on_

Kel listened intently as he told her what was on his mind. There was so much going on in his head; even she was surprised how he'd managed to keep that all inside. In a way, that made her realize her own burdens, the ones she never spoke of…

 _Before I say one more word  
Hear me say I love you  
My love comes from a heart that overflows  
With love who fills me  
Comforts me  
Comforts you,  
With arms stretched out he said_  
" _I'll carry you"_

She knew this was hard for him, not just the burden, but letting it out, too. She was so intent on listening to what he was saying, and searching his face that she almost didn't hear the last thing he said. "I love you, Kel." She stared at him for a moment, caught completely off guard. His pain-filled cerulean eyes watched her as he apprehensively waited for her reply.

_I can't walk this road without you  
You cannot go it alone  
We were never meant to make it on our own  
When the load becomes too heavy  
And your feet too tired to walk  
I will carry you and we'll be carried on_

She hesitated, unable to find her voice. "I love you, too, Dom," she said quietly. He smiled for the first time in weeks. "Thank you, Kel, for listening, for everything."


	27. Beka: Shadow of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Shadow of the Day  
> Artist: Linkin Park

_I close both locks below the window  
I close both blinds and turn away  
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple  
Sometimes good bye's the only away_

_Why is this so hard?_ She wondered that while she packed up the last of her things. Beka Cooper was getting ready to leave the Lower City, and she didn't even get a choice. This wasn't her solution; this wasn't what she wanted to do. This was something her duty called her to. She closed the window and turned away.

She knew what she had to do now, and her heart was screaming at her not to do it, but her sense of duty told her it was the only way. She had to follow orders. She had to do as she was told. She was to listen to Lady Teodorie's orders, as her mother had told her to, as her mother had bade her as her last request.

Beka remembered that moment so well. Her mother had said to make sure that her younger brothers and sisters were well taken care of, and to listen to Lady Teodorie – the lady and her husband had taken them in, after all.

_And the sun will set for you  
The sun will set for you  
And the shadow of the day  
Will embrace the world in grey  
And the sun will set for you_

She was to leave the City, and marry a nobleman who never came to court, who didn't want a court lady as a wife. She was to be Rebakah of Haryse, the Lord Provost's adopted daughter, starting the next day. Her betrothal was all but signed and sealed.

This wasn't fair to her, or to anyone else she knew. Goodwin and Tunstall had been so disappointed when they'd heard that she was leaving. They'd never thought of her as a soft mot, they'd said, they'd always thought she'd stick it out with the Dogs. They had understood when she explained why she was leaving them, though.

They were still just as disappointed, but they understood that she didn't have a choice. They'd said their goodbyes when she'd handed in her resignation. They'd said that it would be different without her, that they'd miss her. She was going to miss them, too. She was going to miss being a Dog, knowing that she'd done something good with her life – that she'd made a difference in the Lower City.

_In cards and flowers on your window  
Your friends all plead for you to stay  
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple  
Sometimes goodbye's the only way  
_

"Come on, Beka! Please, don't go!" She was bombarded by all of their pleas. Almost all of her close friends were there – Tansy, Ersken, Kora, Aniki, Phelan, but not Rosto. He'd locked himself in his room. He was saying that he had important Rogue business to attend to, but Kora and Aniki had told her that he didn't. He was upset that she was leaving, just as much as she was.

"Beka, listen to them, please, don't go." A deep voice sounded behind her. She turned, knowing who it was before she even saw him. Rosto stood there, his obsidian eyes seemed to be darker, and full of more emotion than she had ever seen in their ebony depths. Beka almost wished that he hadn't spoken up.

"I can't. Lady Teodorie has filed official adoption, has nearly finished negotiating my betrothal, and has forced me to leave the Dogs. I haven't a choice anymore. I don't have any way out – not one that's available to me, at least. Tomorrow I'll be Rebakah of Haryse, and in about six months, Lady Rebakah of Irenroha." She looked away from his intense void-colored stare, unable to keep his gaze any longer. There was no viable way out of her situation. The only thing that could stop Lady Teodorie's plans now was if Beka married before midnight.

_And the sun will set for you  
The sun will set for you  
And the shadow of the day  
Will embrace the world in grey_

Rosto moved closer without her noticing. He stood very near her now, nearer than the others, who were all crammed into the small area in the downstairs outside of the rooms. Without any warning, and, to her slight embarrassment, in front of everyone, he embraced her.

"Beka, I've been your friend, though just barely that, for four years, now. You know that none of us want you to go, especially not me. Beka, if there's any way we can make it so that you can stay, tell me. Please, Beka." He released her, but kept his scarred hands on her shoulders. His sable gaze was soft as he watched her; she could see all of his emotions in his eyes. He wasn't even trying to keep them hidden. They stood there, both unable to move, unable to move the gazes from the other's face.

_And the sun will set for you  
And the shadow of the day  
Will embrace the world in grey_

Finally, it was Beka who moved. She reached up, and removed his hands from her shoulders, fighting tears as she did. She backed away from him, and shook her head.

"There is no way, Rosto. Not unless I marry someone tonight. If I ran away, they'd find me. If I stayed here, they'd send guards or Dogs for me, maybe even Tunstall and Goodwin. The Black God's Option would do nothing for me, or anyone. That leaves no way out. I don't got a choice anymore."

The room was quiet when she stopped speaking, quiet enough that Beka could hear her pigeons cooing upstairs in her room. Rosto was just watching her, unmoving but for the steady motion of his breathing. His expression was sad, as though he thought this would be the last time he saw her. As if he knew he'd never see her again if she left now. He was probably right - she knew he was.

_And the sun will set for you  
And the shadow of the day  
Will embrace the world in grey  
And the sun will set for you_

Rosto shifted without taking his eyes off of Beka, one scar-covered hand slipping into his pocket. He pulled out a small silvery box, which he clutched tightly for a moment, then moved closer to her again, and spoke in a voice too soft for the others to hear. He spoke hesitantly, as if he was thinking over every word before he said it.

"Beka, I know this isn't your best option, but…" he trailed off, obviously wondering how to phrase what he said next. "Beka, I'm not like other rushers, I've tried to prove that to you in the last few years. I'm not like the men who beat your mother. I love you." Beka barely heard him, but she knew what he said. He loved her. He loved _her_ – Beka Cooper. The King of the Rogue was in love with the Lower City Dogs' Terrier.

It took a few minutes for her to register that, while Rosto stood there silently, waiting for the initial shock to wear off. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice all but a whisper.

"Marry me, Beka." It wasn't an order, it wasn't a request. It was simply a heartfelt plea. It was just Rosto, the man, not the Rogue, or the rusher. It was just Rosto, and no one else. Beka couldn't help but stare at him in what seemed to be an infinite stretch of time.

At the moment when she seemed to break out of her daze, he lifted the hand clutching the silver box, and extended it to her, the only thing showing his uncertainty was his eyes. Slowly, she reached up, and took the box from him, lifting the small lid carefully. Nestled in velvet almost the exact color of her eyes was a delicate silver ring, a glittering diamond resting in the shinning metal. She met his eyes.

"I make my own choices. No one, not even Lady Teodorie, should be making them for me. She has no right to do what she has done. I'm a free mot, Rosto. I'm not Rebakah of Haryse, I'm not her charge anymore, or her foster daughter, or even her daughter. I'm a grown mot, who can make her own choices." She smiled slightly at him. Lady Teodorie would have a fit when she found out. Rosto frowned faintly, while she spoke, his heart racing as his mind tried to figure out whether she as accepting him, or rejecting him. His fears were calmed by her next words.

"Yes, Rosto. I'll marry you." He smiled back at her, neither of them noticing that their friends had disappeared, leaving the two standing alone in the room. They stood there for a long time, simply gazing into the other's eyes. It was only when they realized that they had things to do before midnight that they moved from where they stood. There were things to do if they wanted to live a long life together.


	28. George: Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Pieces  
> Artist: Rascal Flatts

_From the moment we met  
My world was turned around,  
Upside down  
To some degree I still regret  
My memory  
For keeping you around  
Girl, I thought you were mine  
But my broken heart's been  
Shattered  
One too many times_

George Cooper sat in his throne at the Dancing Dove. It still felt the same after all of the years that had passed. It had been almost a decade-and-a-half since he'd been the Rogue, and here he was again, the only King of Thieves who had left the Rogue and returned to reclaim his throne years later. He almost regretted being back there, but it had been the only thing he'd been able to turn to, after Alanna.

_He'd been walking up to their room after leaving the party they'd thrown for Thom – he'd just arrived back from a conference with his regional spymasters – when he found them. In the room adjoined to his office of all places, too. He'd stopped there to find something, when he heard a noise and glanced toward the open dividing door. What he saw there had been like a slap in the face. Alanna and Jonathan stood near the doorway, oblivious to his presence. Tears streamed down Jonathan's face as he kissed Alanna. Silently, George moved to the doorway, and leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed across his chest._

" _Is this really any way t' treat your husband, Alanna? Kissing another man behind his back?" The couple jumped when he spoke, and sprang apart._

" _G-George? W-what are you doing here?" Alanna stammered. George glared at her._

" _More like 'What were you thinkin', Alanna?'" Then he turned and walked away, his heart broken, and his mind furious. How could she have done that to him? She'd said that she loved him, and now she was kissing Jon behind his back? He could understand Jonathan's side – the man had lost Thayet recently, and was unstable because of that. Alanna had no excuse. No excuse at all._

He'd left after that – he couldn't stand the feelings at Pirate's Swoop. Thom, Aly, and Alan had found out by the next morning, which made things worse. They'd been sad to see George leave, but they knew he was hurting, and needed some time alone, probably a long time alone, at that.

_And I don't wanna see you anymore  
I'm just not that strong  
I love it when you're here  
But I'm better when you're gone  
I'm certain that I've given  
And oh how you can take  
There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break  
Baby, please release me  
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces_

Even with the Court of the Rogue clustered around him, he saw the door to the inn open, and a slight redhead step in. She was attired in well-made, well-worn gray breeches, a violet shirt, and a gray tunic. A smaller than average sword hung at her side, and a dagger hung at her belt. Her violet eyes scanned the crowd, she was looking for him. When he looked at her, he felt a strange mixture of love, hate, and anguish. He's always been strong, but not that strong that he could deal with this and not hurt. Part of him missed her to the point that he was nearly in pain, but another part of him never wanted to see her again.

She saw him sitting in the throne of the King of the Rogue, where he always had back when they'd first met. Their eyes met in that moment. His hazel eyes hardened then. She knew she'd hurt him, but did he hate her? She'd never thought that possible of George; not her George. She'd never see that look in his eyes, not even when she'd seen him face down a challenger for his throne.

She walked over to him, and gently placed her hand on his arm. He turned slightly, his face calm, but his eyes stormy. "What d' ye want?" He asked gruffly, pulling his arm from under her hand.

"George…" Alanna couldn't go on.

"What do ye want, Alanna? Ye've hurt me enough, don't ye think? There's nothing left for you to break anymore. Jus' let it go. Let my poor heart recover." With tears in her eyes, the King's Champion left the Dancing Dove, and her own heart behind.

_Someone let you down again  
So you turn to me  
Your convenient friend  
Oh, but I know what you're doin'  
And what you hope to find  
I've seen it a thousand times  
All the fire we had before  
Are now the bitter ashes  
Left scattered on the floor_

Not even a few months later, she was back. Not only had she lost George, but Jonathan had died from a broken heart, having lost Thayet. In another attempt to both mend things, and work through her grief at losing both George and Jon. George wasn't too happy to see her there, but he put up with it, and ignored her entirely. Whenever she tried to get close to him to talk, he moved away, and took care of some unimportant matter. It did hurt him to do that, but, at that point, he didn't care much. What they'd had was gone…and he didn't think there was anything either of them could do about it. It hurt to even be around her…

_And I don't wanna see you anymore  
I'm just not that strong  
I love it when you're here  
But I'm better when you're gone  
I'm certain that I've given  
And oh how you can take  
There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break  
Baby, please release me  
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces_

She'd come up to him so many times, wanting to talk, but he wouldn't listen. He knew he was acting like a child, and a selfish, petty one, at that. He still loved her, but it didn't hurt as much when she wasn't around. She'd torn him up, unintentionally, but she had all the same. Alanna didn't seem to realize how much she had hurt him. She'd shattered his heart, and thrown the pieces to the wind. The way he acted, he was sure that she didn't think he had a heart anymore. He wasn't so sure he had one, either. Maybe it was better that way, then there was nothing left to break. He just wished that she'd let him alone enough that he could get over it. Maybe it would work between them again, if she did.

_We both know that you don't need me  
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces  
Let it rest  
And I don't wanna see you anymore  
I'm just not that strong  
I love it when you're here  
But I'm better when you're gone  
I'm certain that I've given  
And oh how you can take  
There's no use in you lookin'  
There's nothin' left for you to break  
Baby, please release me  
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces_

One day, he turned to her. "You don't need me anymore, Alanna. That's clear. My heart's in pieces, and you being around constantly hurts more than it does when you're gone. You'd be better off with a whole man, not a broken one. I gave you everything I could, and I don't think it was enough." She stared at him, her mouth agape, trying to get her mind to work. "Don't worry. You won't break my heart if you listen to me – there's nothing left to break. It's already broken."

Alanna raised a shaky hand to his cheek, "I love you, George. I can't bear to see you like this. I'm so sorry." George nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, too."


	29. Beka: Whenever You Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Whenever You Remember  
> Artist: Carrie Underwood

_When you look back on times we had  
I hope you smile  
And know that through the good and through the bad  
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down  
We claimed the brightest star  
And we, we came so far  
And they won't forget_

So this is what it's like, Beka thought, this is what dying is like. She ducked under a knife hurled at her while she thought. She was alone, outnumbered in a ten on one scuffle. They were Rats, drunken, stupid Rats. But still, they were sober enough to know what they were doing. Knowing you're going to die isn't a good feeling. She was bloody already, from the three Rats that she had already taken out. Cuts littered her body. Her arms were covered in cuts and her own blood, her knees were scratched and bleeding, cuts scattered wherever her breeches were torn.

She knew she wasn't going to come out of this fight. She was backed against a wall. There were ten of them, and only one of her. She wished that she had stopped to talk to Ersken after muster, like she'd wanted to. Then she wouldn't be in this mess. Then she could go home to Rosto, and their son. Then she would have lived to fight another day. She knew it was over before it had even begun. She was going to die, and there was nothing she could do about it.

As her last moments passed her, Rosto's face was all that she saw in her mind. This would hurt him. The pain would nearly kill him; she knew that from a past experience, when he had thought her dead. Beka hoped that he would remember the good times they had had, instead of mourning her for too long. They'd come so far from the Puppy and the rusher they had been when they'd met. Sometimes they were the Rogue and the Dog, other times, they were just Beka and Rosto.

They'd gone through so much, conquered so many obstacles in their path, but their path together ended here. One of the Rats lashed out again, and everything in Beka's vision faded to black.

_Whenever you remember times gone by  
Remember how we held our heads so high  
When all this world was there for us  
And we believed was there for us  
Whenever you remember, I'll be there  
Remember how we reached that dream together  
Whenever you remember_

There was cold; a dark place. A hooded figure stood near, but did not approach her. He flicked his fingers toward a shaft of faint light on her right. In the light there was a small grey pigeon. The hooded figure nodded towards the pigeon. "Thank you."

Then there was light, a grey sky, rain, and the Dogs' burial grounds. There were people gathered in the cemetery, most dressed in Dog uniforms. She left like she as disembodied, flying on a pigeon. She realized she was after a moment, when she saw the scene before her. All of the Evening Watch Dogs, and quiet a few Rogues stood in the graveyard. That was when she saw the body they were gathered around. It was hers. The pigeon moved ever so slightly and a blond cove came into her line of vision. He looked to be in his late twenties or early thirties. His skin was very pale, almost as pale as the scars that were visible on his hands and face. Sable eyes stared into the distance, veiled by grief, full of tears.

A young boy sat in his lap, hugging him tightly. The boy had pale blond hair, darker than his father's, and golden flecked dark eyes. His eyes were also filled with tears; he wailed for his mother. They both knew that they'd never see her again. The least she could do was use the last of the magic her spirit held to say goodbye to them. Her pigeon hopped over to Rosto and their son, and got their attention. Rosto looked at the pigeon as if he was about to burst into tears, the boy just buried his face in his father's chest.

"Goodbye, both of you. I love you very much. Farewell." Even Rosto, who had no Gift, heard what she said. He gaped at the pigeon for a moment, then smiled faintly. "I – we – love you, too, Beka. Farewell, my love." The boy, too, was staring at the bird. He seemed to realize the finality of her death. "Goodbye, Mama," he said. He patted the bird on the head, a small smile flickering over his face.

Then she was back in the darkness. The hooded figure was there, too. The dark god watched her intently, motioning for her to come with him. She followed, now at peace with the world she'd left behind.

_When you think back on all we've done  
I hope you're proud  
When you look back and see how far we've come  
It was our time to shine  
And nobody could hold us down  
They thought they'd see us fall  
But we, we stood so tall  
And no we won't forget_

" _Rosto, help me!" Beka screamed. Rats encircled her; she was outnumbered, and hurt. He was helpless to stop them. One of them surged forward, and she dropped like a stone. "No!" He screamed._

Rosto woke to the sound of his own screaming. His lean body was drenched in cold sweat. His hand whisked over the soft sheets where Beka usually was. For just a moment, he panicked, then he remembered. She was dead.

It was then that his nightmares had started. The scene replayed over and over in his head, every time he dozed off. He hadn't been there to save her. He hadn't been able to help her. He blamed himself for her death. They'd all told him that it wasn't his fault; that he would have died with her if he'd been there. Sometimes, he felt like that would have been a better fate then to have to live without her. The only thing he had to live for anymore was his son, his son who would carry on Beka's name. His son would carry the name of Cooper, as an honor to Beka.

He missed her so much. All the times they'd proved the world wrong, that there was a way for them to be together, all of the times people had been waiting for them to fail. Nobody had been able to prove that their love was wrong. No one had been able to keep them apart. It was all over, now.

There was one thing he knew, that he was certain of. He would never forget her. He couldn't. Beka was as much a part of him as any scar he had. Her memory was more powerful than anything else. She had left a mark on him – one that couldn't be erased. Even if he could have erased it, he wouldn't have. It was all he had left of her.

_Whenever you remember times gone by  
Remember how we held our heads so high  
When all this world was there for us  
And we believed that we could touch the sky  
Whenever you remember, I'll be there  
Remember how we reached that dream together  
Whenever you remember_

Rosto walked the streets for hours on end sometimes. He wandered past the places where they'd spent time together, past the old Court of the Rogue, past the Jane Street Kennel. Corus reminded him so much of Beka. She was a hero in the Lower City, but no one would remember her for longer than it took for everything to go back to normal after her death. Only her friends would remember her longer then the people of Corus.

Sometimes, it was like he felt her spirit with him, like she was forever by his side. It was almost comforting, even if he didn't know if he was imagining it or not. At least then, he could hold his head high, and allow a little more of the pain to flow away.

He had such a hard time believing that she was really dead, that she was gone, and wouldn't be coming back to him this time. His only true comfort now was his memories of her. That was when he felt like she was there with him. That was when he was at peace with everything, even himself, even her death.

_We claimed the brightest star  
And we, we came so far  
And know that we showed them all  
And no they won't forget_

None of the people who were close to Beka would ever forget her. Neither would they forget about her relationship with Rosto. Some people – Senior Dogs, mostly – disliked her for her choice to continue that relationship, since he was the Rogue. Others thought her brave to stand up to the criticism that she'd received when people had found out that she and the Rogue were together. Others had thought her plain crazy. Beka had been fine with that. She'd made her choice for her future. She had wanted Rosto to be a part of it, because she loved him. That had showed all of them that she, the Elkhound, was her own mot. That she made her own choices, based on what her heart told her, not what other people said. She'd been his daylight, his brightest star, and now she was gone. His life was all but part of the void-filled night, now.

_Whenever you remember times gone by  
Remember how we held our heads so high  
When all this world was there for us  
And we believed that we could touch the sky  
Whenever you remember, I'll be there  
Remember how we reached that dream together  
Whenever you remember_

Rosto looked up at the sky, remembering, as he often did. Many days had passed since the painful day that he'd lost Beka. He missed her more and more with each passing day, but he had his memories, they were the only thing that had kept him going since that fateful day.

He could remember each touch of her soft hand, each warm kiss, each word that she'd spoken to him. She was so deeply ingrained in his mind, there was no chance that she would ever leave him entirely. But Rosto was alright with that. He was happier that way.

_Whenever you remember  
Ooohh, whenever you remember_

A single sentence slipped through his lips, his deep voice so low that only he could hear what he said. "I will remember you, always…"


	30. Alanna: Meant to Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Meant to Live  
> Artist: Switchfoot

_Fumbling his confidence  
And wondering why the world has passed him by  
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments  
And failed attempts to fly, fly_

Alanna shifted in her seat. Oh, how she hated diplomatic negotiations. Jon had been king for only a few days, and already there were negotiations for treaties. Judging from what she could see now, Jon was being overwhelmed, even with all of his training. She could see his confidence slipping already…

_We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
Somewhere we live inside  
Somewhere we live inside  
We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
Somewhere we live inside_

_Oh, Jon,_ she thought, _you can do it. You've done it before, you can do it now. You were meant for great things…_

Much later, she thought back on the day. What had changed in the last few days, since his coronation? Yes, there was the nearly overwhelming grief that Thom and Liam were dead, the feeling that her heart was being torn into pieces with every passing second. Somehow, she knew that feeling would pass, in time. There was so much more for her to live for besides the grief…There was so much more for Jon to live for, besides what she knew he must be feeling…

_Dreaming about Providence  
And whether mice or men have second tries  
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open  
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken_

Alanna wondered whether he'd ever have another chance for peace in his life. There was so much for him to do…

She wondered why she'd never seen this before – all of the politics and all of the other things that she had never noticed before she had become the King's Champion. Had she been blind to the entire thing, or had it been that she'd just ignored it?

_We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
Somewhere we live inside  
Somewhere we live inside  
We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
Somewhere we live inside_

He was losing himself in the politics. Alanna could see that so easily, now. She watched him sadly, knowing that Thayet was doing the same beside her. It was difficult to watch this, but then, she'd never really liked politics to begin with, much less, now.

_We want more than this world's got to offer  
We want more than this world's got to offer  
We want more than the wars of our fathers  
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah_

Alanna knew that it was hard for Jonathan, and it would be harder for him when his Champion returned to the desert.

He wanted more for his children, just as she wanted more for hers. They had to deal with the wars from King Roald's reign, the wars that weren't theirs.

_We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
We were meant to live for so much more  
Have we lost ourselves?  
We were meant to live  
We were meant to live_

Before she left again, Alanna stopped by Jonathan's office. He was her best friend, after all. She found him asleep at his desk. A slip of paper lay in front of him, a single line of his handwriting scrawled across the smooth ivory surface. _Why am I who I am?_ It said. Alanna watch him for a moment before she reached for a quill, ink, and another slip of paper. _You are who you are because that is who you were meant to be, Jon. You were meant to live._ Placing everything back where it had been, and putting her note in front of her friend, Alanna left the room, hoping that what she had written would help.


	31. Rosto: If Tears Could Bring You Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: If Tears Could Bring You Back  
> Artist: Midnight Suns

* * *

_How will I start tomorrow without you here?  
Whose heart will guide me while the answers disappear?  
Is it to late, are you to far gone to stay?  
Best friends forever, should never have to go away!_

He'd chased her away. It was as plain and simple as that. He hadn't meant to, but he'd said the wrong thing. Rosto knew he'd gone too far the instant she'd flushed a deeper red than he'd ever seen her. She'd fled, now she was leaving Corus. She'd gone to Ahuda and asked for leave for a while, packed a few things, and headed out for one last Watch. In the years that had passed since they'd met, he'd become her best friend, but had he chased her off for good? He'd known he'd loved her for years, but she kept her barrier up. Her answer was always 'never a rusher.' He wasn't even a rusher anymore – he was the King of the Rogue. Had he really gone too far, and chased her off for good?

_What will I do? You know I'm only half without you!  
How will I make it through?_

His heart ached for her every second she was gone. He'd never realized that before - he wasn't whole when she was gone. It was sort of odd, she was a Dog, he was the Rogue, but they were also just Beka and Rosto, people who could be drawn together in the oddest of circumstances. She'd saved his life on a number of occasions, as he had saved hers. He wasn't entirely sure he could keep going without her, anymore. It seemed like he was a different person when she wasn't there, harsh and cruel. It wasn't something he liked, but he couldn't change it without a long hard fight. He missed her more and more every day.

_If only tears could bring you back to me!  
If only love could find a way!  
What I would do, what I would give if you  
Return to me, someday, some how, some way!  
If my tears could bring you back to me!_

Rosto was starting to think that he'd give anything for Beka to come back. Even if it was someday in the far off future, he just wanted to know that she was going to come back to him, and that maybe there would be a second chance for him, for them.

If there was any way he could bring her back, he would do it. He was even starting to consider leaving the Rogue, and going straight, if it meant that all of the tears that he had cried in the last few months had been worth it. Rosto wasn't a weak man, but he knew he'd messed up, and the tears that he had shed had been for the love that he didn't even know if he would ever have.

_I've cried you a notion if you would sail on home again  
Wings of emotion will carry you and all they can!  
Just like love guides you and your heart will chart the course  
Soon you'll be drifting to the arms of your true north!_

At the Rogue, he was calm, cool, collected, and as harsh as the deep of winter. In his room, alone, or even if Kora or Aniki had joined him to talk or something, he wasn't the same person. It was visible, even to his rushers. The Rogue was a different man now, one that they were truly afraid of.

All Rosto wanted now was for Beka to come back to him. He realized one more, when he received a letter from her, that it would be a long time. She was somewhere in southern Tortall, exactly where was not specified. He figured that she had gone to the Bahzir or one of the fiefs there. She was happy. It broke his heart to know it, but she was happy without him.

_Look in my eyes, you'll see a million tears have gone by!  
And still they're not dry!_

So many 'if-only's ran through his head. For six years he wondered, cried, and wished. Nothing ever changed. He continued to defend his throne, but even that was starting to fade in importance. So many tears had he cried, and yet, there were still so many more, when Beka wasn't there. He hated it, he hated the tears and the crying, it made him feel weak, but there wasn't anything he could do about it anymore.

_If only tears could bring you back to me!  
If only love could find a way!  
What I would do, what I would give if you  
Return to me, someday, some how, some way!  
If my tears could bring you back to me!_

Rosto spent years wishing that she would come back, and that it would be because of him. When she finally did come back, she didn't come to see him, she didn't even say hello when they passed on the streets. It was like their friendship had never existed. She was a Dog, and he was the Rogue. That was how it was, and how Beka had determined that it would be.

_I've held you close inside the words I've only whisper before  
For one more chance, for one last dance inside of me!  
That I would like and love!_

Even with her choice, Rosto still held her in his heart, and repeated the words that had chased her away years before, in his mind. _I love you, Beka._

There was no second chance for him now. It hit him all of a sudden when Kora had come back from Beka's to tell him that the Terrier had married. Beka hadn't even had the heart to tell him herself. That hurt him even more than finding out that she had chosen someone other than him.

That wasn't even the end of the hurt. Not only did Beka not speak to him, but a few years later, worse news came by way of Aniki. Beka was dead. She'd died during a skirmish with some Rats on Beltane. Her husband was left raising their son, who carried the name Cooper.

Rosto didn't go to the funeral. He didn't visit her grave until three days after that. Gently placing a single red rose in front of the tombstone, he stared at the inscription. It was over.

_If only tears could bring you back to me!  
If only love could find a way!  
What I would do, what I would give if you  
Return to me, someday, some how, some way!  
If my tears could bring you back to me!_

If only. If only his tears could have brought her back to him. Then he would be whole. A single tear slipped down the Piper's cheek. It was the last tear he ever cried. The person he became after that was person who didn't have the heart to feel sorrow with. He was alone, and he was the Rogue. If only his tears had been worth something. If only they had been worth the price he had paid.


	32. Kel: Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Mirror  
> Artist: BarlowGirl

_Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?_  
' _Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am  
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect  
So sorry you won't define me  
Sorry you don't own me_

In years past, Kel had once defined herself by some of the things that her brothers' wives had said. They'd always been the ones to say things about her, and most of those things weren't good. She would never meet their standards, she knew. She was a knight, when they were all ladies. She would never meet their standards because she was different, because she was herself.

Standing in front of the mirror, wearing a russet colored dress, these thoughts started drifting through her head again. They'd called her names because she was different. They'd called her those names because she wanted to be a knight, something that very few people thought that another woman could do, after Alanna the Lioness. Now they did it because she had achieved her dream. She was the second lady knight in Tortall. Even with all of the things they'd said, she'd done it anyway.

_Who are you to tell me  
That I'm less than what I should be  
Who are you? Who are you?  
I don't need to listen  
To the list of things I should do  
I won't try, no, I won't try_

Some of them still tried to change her. All three wanted to, that was clear. They lectured her on the things they thought it would be proper for her to do, and the things they thought she could still do, even if she was a lady knight. Kel knew one thing, for sure. She wasn't even going to try to stop them, nor was she going to listen to what they told her to do. They were wrong.

She continued to watch her reflection for a moment. Sooner or later she was going to have to face them, out in a small hall at the palace in Corus. She had heard so much criticism in the last few days, she was even a bit nervous about the 'little' Midwinter party they'd decided to throw.

_Mirror I am seeing a new reflection  
And I'm looking into the eyes of he who made me  
And to him I have beauty beyond compare  
I know he defines me_

Kel walked down the steps, biting her lip. Her sisters-in-law were watching her. But so was Domitan of Masbolle. He had been invited for two reasons, one was that he was one of Kel's friends, of whom Neal, Raoul, Buri, Yuki, and Lady Alanna had also been invited. The other was that Kel's brother, Anders' wife wanted to snag the young sergeant whose family was in the Book of Gold for her eldest daughter, who was a few years younger than Kel.

Dom couldn't take his eyes off of her. He'd known for a long time that he liked her alot, but tonight there was something else there, too. It was visible in his eyes when Kel looked into them.

What she saw was someone who had been her friend for a long time, who she knew she loved, who saw her for who she was. He saw the inner beauty that she had, not just her outer appearance. He was the one who defined how she saw herself, and neither of them knew it.

_Who are you to tell me  
That I'm less than what I should be  
Who are you? Who are you?  
I don't need to listen  
To the list of things I should do  
I won't try, no, I won't try  
You don't define me  
You don't define me_

They couldn't tell her who or what she was. Not anymore. They had told her every little thing that she did wrong. Now she was the one who was telling them that they were wrong. Who were they to tell her that she wasn't the person she should be? That she should have become a lady instead of a knight. Dom had made her realize that, and he didn't even know it. They couldn't define her anymore, not after that, not ever.

_Who are you to tell me  
That I'm less than what I should be  
Who are you? Who are you?  
I don't need to listen  
To the list of things I should do  
I won't try, no, I won't try_

Kel felt so free, when she saw the look in his eyes. It was all that she could hope for, that someone besides Neal, her knightmaster, Lady Alanna, Buri, Yuki, or her parents could see that she was beautiful because she did things in her own way. That she wasn't just a mirror of the people who wanted to change her from being who she was. It set her free.


	33. George: Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Stand  
> Artist: Rascal Flatts

The night had fallen cold and dark, particularly for the King of the Rogue, George Cooper. It was a night of no moon, and that was always dangerous. It was also one of the nights that young Alan of Trebond was to have a lesson in wrestling. The lad was still being bullied by Ralon, and he'd come to George for help.

The door to the Dancing Dove opened suddenly, sending a blast of cold air at the Thief-King. A small redhead stumbled into the inn. It was Alan, with bruises splotching his face. He looked as though he'd just had some of his worse injuries healed by the palace healers. Ralon had gotten him again. George rose from his throne and led the lad upstairs. Alan was horribly upset, and George could understand why. It wasn't fair of Ralon to only pick on Alan when there were a number of others for the older boy to terrorize, but, of course, he had to pick on Alan alone.

Yet, Alan never complained. No, he just worked harder to fend the bully off. Once they got to George's room, the Rogue had closed his door and looked at the lad again. Alan had a brave face on, but there were tears coming. George could tell – Alan was hurting, and not just physically.

_You feel like a candle in a hurricane  
Just like a picture with a broken frame  
Alone and helpless  
Like you've lost your fight  
But you'll be alright  
You'll be alright_

"It's alright, Alan," George said, patting his young friend on the back. "It's alright." Alan nodded tearfully, but didn't answer. George waited patiently for the lad to calm down enough to talk. Alan knew that it was a lucky fact that George didn't see tears as a sign of weakness…

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you stand,  
Then you stand_

Years later, the situation was almost the same, except that it was Alanna the Lioness who was upset, not Page Alan of Trebond, and George Cooper was no longer the Rogue, but Baron of Pirate's Swoop. The person who had upset Alanna was different, too – it was King Jonathan, not the long dead Ralon, as was the way that Jonathan had hurt her. She and Jon had fought about the girl who wanted to be a page, and once again, Alanna had lost.

"It's alright, Lass, it's alright," George told her, just like he had on that night so long ago. Her face was buried in his shoulder. He stroked her back while she cried, trying to calm her. They sat there for a long time, George rocking his Lioness while she cried over what Jonathan had said. What Jon had done in the past was drawing more tears to the surface. Quietly, George hummed a tune that he'd known for a long time, one that always reminded him of Alanna.

_Life's like a novel  
With the end ripped out  
The edge of a canyon  
With only one way down  
Take what you're given before its gone  
Start holding on, keep holding on_

Gradually, her tears slowed, then finally stopped as she was lulled to sleep by George's voice as he sang to her. It was good for her to know that he was proud of her, and that he loved her with all of his crooked heart.

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you stand,  
Yeah then you stand._

_Everytime you get up  
And get back in the race  
One more small piece of you  
Starts to fall into place  
Ooohhh_

Alanna was overwhelmingly glad that she had George. He was the reason that she still got back up again when she fell. He was the reason that she could do everything that she did. She couldn't imagine what would have happened to her if she'd never met him. Nothing ever would have been the same, that was for sure.

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you stand,  
Then you stand_

If there was one thing in her life that Alanna would have given anything for if she had become a lady, it would be George. He was the one who made her strong enough to stand, and the one person that she couldn't live without.


	34. Beka: Listen to Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Listen to Your Heart (non-techno)  
> Artist: DHT

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile.  
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.  
You've built a love but that love falls apart.  
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark. _

It hurt him every time she said 'never a rusher.' Every time Rosto tried to express his feelings even in the slightest way, Beka said it, and refused to listen. She could see it in his eyes sometimes as he watched her walk away. She could see how much it hurt him for her to just walk away and go off with another cove. Beka always saw the way his already dark eyes darkened. She knew and didn't think much of it. Until the day he left. That day was when she saw what her heart had been telling her for a long time, but it was too late for her to do anything.

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye_

_I wish I'd listened. I wish I had known…_ she thought. _I never even got to say goodbye….Rosto was the Rogue – I never expected him to leave. Not even Aniki expected that. Now I can't even tell him I'm sorry._ She stared out her window for a long time, watching the distant horizon with an intensity that seemed to be her way of telling it to bring him back. She wished that she had just listened to what her heart had been trying to tell her.

_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.  
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.  
_

Far, far away, Rosto was watching the horizon, too, but for a different reason. Instead of thinking about Beka, he was thinking about what he was going to do to stay away from Corus. He couldn't travel around forever, and eventually, he would have to return to the capital. Maybe he could put it off for a little while, but eventually, he would have to go back, and eventually, all of the memories he was pushing away would come back, too. There was only one place he felt like he belonged now, and that place was only in his dreams…

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye_

There came a day when Beka, too, left Corus. When the young Tortallan Prince was kidnapped, she went after him, not knowing that she was going to meet Rosto again.

She was riding her horse across the desert when she came across a campsite. Smoke rose from a small brush fire, a weather worn log sat a few feet from the fire with a plate and a sharp looking dagger sitting on it. Kneeling by a pack, a young blond man dug through its contents. He pulled a packet of something out and stood up, brushing a few long strands of pale blond hair from his dark eyes. He turned to walk back to his fire and caught sight of her. A frown formed on his face as his sable gaze met her blue-grey stare.

"Hello, Rosto," she said, her voice soft and timid. He studied her for a moment before moving back to his seat.

"Beka." He turned his gaze from her to his dinner. He picked up the plate and sliced a chunk of meat rather overzealously. "What are you doing here?" He asked before sticking the meat in his mouth. He glanced up at her, noting the rough material that her clothes were made of.

"Working. I'm searching for the prince." His eyes dropped back to the plate, but she saw the look in them before he did. He had almost hoped that she had just maybe been looking for him.

"Oh." A long stretch of silence followed. "Good luck, then." She nodded, and dismounted from her horse.

"I'm sorry, Rosto." Beka touched his chin and lifted it until their eyes met. He nodded, turning his head away.

"Thank you."

"May I set up my own camp here tonight?" She asked. He nodded again, as if that was one of the only things he could do.

"Go ahead."

_And there are voices  
that want to be heard.  
So much to mention  
but you can't find the words.  
The scent of magic,  
the beauty that's been  
when love was wilder than the wind._

After setting up her camp, Beka joined him at the fire as he finished eating. He ignored her as much as he could while he cleaned up.

"Rosto?" He looked up at the sound of his name. For just a moment, she was lost in the depths of his brown eyes.

"Yes?" He asked. She paused for another moment, making him wonder what she was going to say.

"Can you ever forgive me? I messed up, and I hurt you. When you left, I realized something. You told me so many times that you loved me, and you'd give up anything save being the Rogue and your own life if I'd just tell you that I feel the same. You don't even have to give up anything, Rosto. I love you, too."

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you.  
Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do.  
I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,  
but listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye_

For the first time in months, Rosto the Piper smiled. His grin was bright, and it lifted Beka's heart to see that he wasn't angry.

"I can always forgive you, Beka. All you had to do was ask." He walked over to her and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Beka couldn't help but smile back. It had taken her a long time, but she had finally listened to what her heart had told her…And maybe she could be happy again…


	35. Alanna: If I Could Have You Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: If I Could Have You Back  
> Artist: Aly & AJ

_On the subject of you being gone forever_ _  
I still can't believe it, I can't see it_ _  
I should just stop counting days_ _  
On the subject of the future  
Wouldn't it be nice to leave it open ended  
And pretend it could go either way_

Alanna of Trebond and Olau stared out at the desert in front of her. It had been three weeks since her fight with Jonathan. A part of her couldn't believe it, while another part was glad that he was gone. Maybe, before the fight, she might have accepted his proposal, but she wasn't meant to be queen. She knew that she would have made a horrible queen. Tortall would have paid dearly for her mistake. Yes, she loved Jonathan, but he needed someone who was bred for ruling. Alanna was a fighter, a knight, but not a lady, not a queen.

_If I could have you back  
I'd think about it once or twice I guess  
If I could have you back  
I'd reconsider, maybe I'd say yes  
On the other hand it would be  
Better to have a life  
Without the constant indecision over  
If I could have you back  
If I could have you back_

Alanna did wonder what she would do if there was a chance for her and Jonathan to rekindle their relationship the next time she saw him. Maybe she would reconsider then….No. It would be nice, but it wouldn't work. She had to stand with her decision. There was no going back. She and Jon just weren't meant to be.

_On the topic of the time we spent together  
I can't say I never wonder  
If you ever think about those days_

When she was traveling, she began to think about Jonathan and the news of his new relationship with the Copper Isles princess. Did he ever think about her, wonder if she was alright? She knew she shouldn't think about it, but she really did miss him, even if it was just as a friend. He was still her friend.

_If I could have you back  
I'd think about it once or twice I guess  
If I could have you back  
I'd reconsider, maybe I'd say yes  
On the other hand it would be  
Better to have a life  
Without the constant indecision over  
If I could have you back  
If I could have you back_

Once back at the palace with the Jewel, Alanna began to wonder again, would she take him back if he apologized? A simple answer. No. She was slowly coming to realize that, despite her feelings for him, the love that they had shared wasn't the kind that lasted forever. Neither was what she had had with Liam. The only one who loved her like that was George, who had always stood in the distance, waiting for her to realize it. It was better for her to know that than to have her mind struggling with whether or not she would accept Jonathan's proposal.

_It's game over  
You've lost this round_ _  
And now I get to turn you down  
Thanks for all the lessons learned  
I'm takin' in what I have heard  
Practice makes perfect_

When Jon came to see her before the coronation, he asked her again. Alanna just smiled and shook her head.

"You're a good man, Jon, but not the right one for me. You don't want me as queen. Besides, I've seen the way you and Thayet look at each other. She will make a good queen." She walked away, leaving a slightly dumbstruck Jonathan in her wake.

_If I could have you back  
I'd think about it once or twice I guess  
If I could have you back  
I'd reconsider, maybe I'd say yes  
On the other hand it would be  
Better to have a life  
Without the constant indecision over  
If I could have you back  
If I could have you back_

Alanna was sure of it now. She had made the right choice – it was better than having that little bit of indecision left in her heart. She had George, and Jonathan had Thayet, who were better for both of them. She was glad that she hadn't accepted his offer. She wouldn't have taken it, even if she had the chance to..


	36. Daine: Thoughts of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Thoughts of You  
> Artist: BarlowGirl  
> Requested by The Lady Grace at FanFiction.Net

_Thoughts of you and how you changed me  
Fill my mind  
Without you where would I be  
So even as I try to express my thanks  
It never comes out how I hope  
I want to say so much more so with these simple words  
I'll try_

Veralidaine Sarrasri sat by the window overlooking the stretch of land outside of Numair's tower, as she often did when he was away. Sometimes, she honestly wondered how she'd managed to live without Numair. When they had met, she had been a slightly awkward teenage girl who had been ousted from her village and couldn't control her magic. He had changed that.

_I love you  
My heart is yours, only yours  
I long to give you all of me  
_ _My everything, my everything  
I never could repay you  
You gave everything  
Without you where would I be_

It was almost odd to think about – how Numair had unintentionally won her heart. She loved him, but she also owed him a great debt. He had saved her from her own wild magic, from herself. If it wasn't for him, she would have lost herself to it long ago. She couldn't repay him for that, but she could at least try.

_You still loved me even when I  
Pushed you away  
You stood there and waited  
Till the day I'd return_

At first, she hadn't really noticed that she had lost her heart to the master mage, and that, unconsciously, she had pushed it away, using excuse after excuse after excuse. Even so, he had been there all along, waiting for her to reciprocate his feelings. He waited, though he had once pushed it away, too, using similar excuses to hers. But he had still been there. He was always there when she needed him…

_So even as I try to express my thanks  
It never comes out how I hope  
I want to say so much more so with these simple words  
I'll try_

No matter how much Daine thought about it, there wasn't any way she could think of to let him know how thankful she was for all that he had done for her. No, there was a way. Three words and one answer…

_I love you  
My heart is yours, only yours  
I long to give you all of me  
My everything, my everything_

Just as she was thinking that, the door to the room opened, revealing a dust-covered Numair Salmalín. Daine practically shrieked with glee. They both moved forward and embraced in the center of the room. She didn't even notice the dust. "I love you, Numair. My answer is yes…"


	37. Rosto: Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Here  
> Artist: Rascal Flatts

_There's a place I've been lookin' for  
That took me in and out of buildings  
Behind windows, walls, and doors_

There was something Rosto the Piper was missing. The twenty-two-year-old rusher knew there was something missing, something that had called him away from his living, and away from what family he had. It had called him from all that he knew, but he could never figure out what it was.

_And I thought I found it  
Couple times even settled down  
Then I'd hang around just long enough  
To find my way back out_

When he had joined the Scanran Court of the Rogue, it had let up, just a little. When Kora and Aniki had joined him, it had let up just a little more, enough for him to be content, but not for long. Still, something was missing. It wasn't until they'd ended up in Tortall that the feeling had changed noticeably. The only thing he'd been able to figure out was that it had drawn him there to be Tortall's King of the Rogue. Little did he know that it was something more, something that had to do with the shy but feisty Puppy, Rebakah Cooper.

_I know now  
The place I was tryin' to reach  
Was you right here in front of me_

As the Rogue, he could have his choice of anything he wanted, except for Beka. At first, it had just seemed like he had been practicing his flirting skills on the young mot, but, eventually, he realized that it was much more. The feeling that had called to him from Scanra wasn't the call of his destiny, it was the call of his heart, reaching out to the person whose soul was meant for his. Beka. He just didn't know it yet.

_And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart  
On the day that it was breaking  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumble, step  
That led to you and got me here  
Right here, oh, baby_

For some reason, even as she continued to reject him, he had hope that one day she wouldn't, that one day she would accept him. He'd been through heartaches before, but none of them compared to what he was beginning to feel for Beka. It struck him that somehow he would have been willing to go through all of that again if only Beka would acknowledge that she had feelings for him, too. He could see it in her eyes that she did feel something, even if she denied it or it wasn't very strong. It was still there.

_It's amazin', what I let my heart go through  
To get me where it got me  
In this moment here with you_

Sometimes Rosto would ponder his past when he was alone, remembering each relationship he had been in, or just thinking of all of the good memories he had amassed. Never once did it occur to him that he could have changed it by a single choice he made, or by taking a different path. He could only ponder everything that had led him to Corus, from the day he had set out on his path as a Rogue.

_And it passes me by  
God knows how many times  
I was so caught up in holdin'  
What I never thought I'd find  
I know now  
There's a million roads I had to take  
To get me in your arms this way_

Many months later, when the relationship he had hoped for between him and Beka had been established, they got to talking when they were the only two downstairs.

"Rosto?" He glanced at Beka across the counter where he was cutting a peach into slices and put the knife down. He motioned for her to continue as he popped one of the slices into his mouth. She couldn't help but smile when he gave her his undivided attention. She had to tear herself away from his spellbinding gaze to remember what she had been intending to say. "Did you have any idea what was going to happen when you came here?" She asked him. Rosto looked thoughtful for a moment.

"No, I didn't. All I knew was that something was leading me here. There was a push in the back of my mind that said I needed to go to Tortall. The pathway here was long, and when I was younger, I never would have thought that this was where I was going to end up," he said. "Though, I will say that this is the best thing that ever happened to me, Beka. I am happy here, with you, unlike any way I was when I lived in Scanra." Beka smiled at him as he said that. He chuckled lightly and went back to cutting the peach, offering her the next slice that he cut.

_And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart  
On the day that it was breaking  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumble, step  
That led to you and got me here  
Right here, oh, baby  
In a love I never thought I get to, get to, here  
And if there's a road God made me take  
To be with you _

"Would you change anything that happened before?" She asked after a few moments of silence. He looked back up at her again and shook his head.

"Never. It was all worth it for me to be here with you, Beka. Every little bit of anguish, grief, and pain; it was all a price that I am glad I paid. Without it, I wouldn't have become who I am now, and there wouldn't have been a reason to pay that price, acos then I wouldn't have you."

When he said this, Beka blushed. Rosto couldn't help but grin mischievously. He did so love it when she blushed like that.

_And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart_

_On the day that it was breaking  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumble, step  
That led to you and got me here, right here_

"You would go through everything again just for me?" She asked, smiling despite her burning cheeks. Rosto's grin broadened.

"Yes. I would do anything for you, Beka. You know that." He placed the knife on the counter and moved around it. Softly pulling her into his arms, he placed a kiss on her forehead. "This is where I want to be, Beka. Right here…"


	38. George: In Her Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: In Her Eyes  
> Artist: Josh Groban

_She stares through my shadow  
She sees something more  
Believes there's a light in me  
She is sure  
And her truth makes me stronger  
Does she realize  
I awake every morning  
With her strength by my side  
_

Sometimes George Cooper did wonder what it was that Alanna saw in him that made her be his friend. She said it was the good that she saw, despite the fact that he was the Rogue.

As he sat on his throne at the Dancing Dove, images flashed through his mind. Oh, the things had had done. If Alanna knew half of them, would she still understand? Jonathan, he would understand, but Alanna...

Well, the rejection of her friendship would hurt him more than she knew, if it ever happened. As much as George didn't want to think about it, he knew it very well that it could happen. Alanna was going to be a knight, and he was the Rogue. Though they were good friends, they were on different sides of the law.

The strange thing was that, though unknown to him, there was something about opposite sides of the law and his family…

_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am  
_

To Alanna, George was a hero. While she was in page training, she idolized the Rogue who was so free, who was her friend. She envied his freedom, in a way. It was something she wanted. Maybe she would have it when she became a knight, but that didn't stop her from wanting is to come sooner. Some part of her knew what was to come. That part also knew how much George cared about her. That part of her knew that he loved her, and, without realizing it, she loved him back.

_This world keeps on spinning  
Only she stills my heart  
She's my inspiration  
She's my northern star  
I don't count my possession  
All I call mine  
I will give her completely  
To the end of all time  
_

Just as it seemed his Rogue ancestor (though George didn't know it) had once done, George found himself watching from the distance. In some ways, Alanna was one of the reasons had kept fighting.

If there was anything she would ask of him, he would try his best to give it to her. Love, friendship, anything. He loved her already – he had for a long time, and he would always, always be her friend. He would be there for her if things went wrong, even if she didn't want him there.

George was always standing there, waiting to give her anything and everything she could ever want, everything he had. When she was resistant to the idea that he loved her, he waited. When she was with Jonathan, he waited. When she left to travel, he waited still. For Alanna, he would wait forever.

_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am  
_

When they fought for their lives at the coronation, it gave George many things to consider for years to come. The sacrifice of Liam Ironarm was one of them; Alanna's refusal of Jonathan another. But of all of what happened that day and in the months before and after, one of the biggest things George thought about was his new claim to nobility.

For years, he had wondered, if he wasn't the Rogue, would she be more willing? No, he decided, she wouldn't. With Alanna, it wasn't about the law. It was about the fact that, at first, she was scared of what had happened to her father, the way he'd loved her mother and had been broken when she died.

_In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need  
In her eyes time passes by and she is with me  
I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am  
In her eyes I am_

Years later, long after Jonathan's coronation, years after his beloved Lioness had accepted his proposal, George still wondered what she had seen in him. Then, those long years ago, he had been the King of Thieves, though he was now the spymaster, the Whisper Man. His lot in life had changed so much since the day he had found her and Gary in the marketplace.

In Alanna's eyes, he didn't know if what he was, but he knew one thing – he loved Alanna with all his heart. It didn't matter, to him or to her, that he wasn't a hero or an angel. She loved him for who he was, who he had always been. She had seen through his Rogue persona, who he thought he was, and loved him for just being George, because in her eyes, he really was a hero. He was her hero, just as she was his.


	39. Beka: Because of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Because of You  
> Artist: Kelly Clarkson

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

It had been ten years since eight-year-old Beka Cooper had helped bring the Bold Brass Gang to justice. Now she was a full Dog, the Terrier, but still, there was something that bothered her. Since her year as a Puppy, there had been a presence in her life that she wasn't sure she wanted. Since her first night on duty, Rosto the Piper had been playing a key role in her life, whether she liked it or not. Whether he was stealing kisses from her, joking during breakfast, or just being his usual too-thoughtful-but-still-teasing self.

Every time he did something that made his feelings for her evident, it scared her a little. It made her remember what happened to her mother. She would remember the bruises her mother had received from her rusher. She would remember the man who had beaten her and taken everything of value their family had when he had found out that her mother had had lung rot.

That had been the day that Beka Cooper had sworn to herself, she would never go with a rusher. It would only cause her pain.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid  
_

It was because of that promise that Beka refused to let Rosto in. She would evade him when he would flirt with her, or when he would try to surprise her. The worst was when he did try to surprise her, whether it was with a present for her birthday or Midwinter, or with something else.

Every time, she would somehow evade it. She would see the disappointed look on his face and it would hurt. She really liked Rosto; she just didn't want to get hurt like her mother had. A cove who made his living by violence lived his entire life by violence. She knew that Rosto had never raised a hand towards Aniki or Kora in their time with him, nor towards any of the mots since then, but it didn't stop her reluctance…

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with  
_

Beka never intended to put the claim on Rosto that he was constantly offering her, but that just made it hurt more when she saw him off with someone else. She just smiled and pushed it away. She hated the way he brushed off her refusals with an easy smile when it was so hard for her.

She was in and out of relationships for the next few years, but none of them lasted very long. With every one, she hurt more. Every time, her mother's memory haunted her when she thought of going to Rosto for comfort. No, she always told herself. Rosto was a rusher, and the King of Thieves to boot. In time, Beka found herself too torn to even allow another romance to start for her.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

When Beka walked back into the boarding house after a visit to the Lord Provost's house after breakfast on her day off, she found Rosto waiting for her at the table outside the kitchen, reading reports. He glanced up at her, meeting her winter-sky colored eyes with his warm sable ones, and she turned and disappeared out the door again, afraid of what she had seen there. Her memories flashed in front of her eyes one more time as she fled that warm, caring look she had seen in Rosto's eyes.

Behind her, Rosto dropped the papers and followed her, having seen the look in her own eyes. He could see her back disappearing hurriedly into the crowd when he stepped out of the building. A frown appeared on his face as he matched her pace and made his way through the crowd. Once past the large group of people, he saw her sprinting in the direction of the river and the docks. Worry rose in him and he was off again, following Beka through the City.

_I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

Halfway across the Lower City, Beka stopped, catching her breath while leaning against the wall of an alleyway. Slowly, she slid down the wall, not caring whether it was dangerous or not to leave herself vulnerable in an alleyway. She was past caring at that point. All she could think about was her mother and how the choices she had made were still affecting Beka herself. Diona, Lorine, Will, and Nilo were all safe at the house of the Lord Provost, they hadn't had to deal with what Beka had, as the oldest. They hadn't lain awake at night before they had moved to the Provost's, hearing the day's unshed tears hurt their mother for her worry for her children. Beka had. She had thought for so long that she was stronger than that, that it hadn't affected her very much. No, it had, and deeply. Because of it, she hadn't been happy.

Dimly, Beka was aware of all too familiar boot-steps against the uneven cobblestones of the Lower City. She did not look up until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Beka?" She jerked her head up to see Rosto kneeling in front of her, dark brown eyes full of concern for her. She made a move to get up, to get away, but he stopped her, placing his other hand on her other shoulder. "Beka, what in the world is going on?" He asked softly.

"N-nothing. It a-ain't nothing for you to worry 'bout," she stammered, trying to force her tears down in front of him. He raised both golden brows, looking her right in the eye.

"Tell me the truth, Beka," he said. It wasn't an order so much as a supplication for her to trust him. She took a deep breath, meeting his kind dark chocolate gaze.

"It's about Mama. It's always been about Mama," she whispered.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid  
Because of you  
Because of you_

Carefully, Rosto reached up and wiped one of her tears away. She dropped her gaze and wiped more away before he could. After hesitating for a moment longer, he put his hand under her chin to bring her eyes back up to meet his.

"This is about what happened to your mother, isn't it?" He asked in a soft voice. Beka nodded tearfully. "I can only tell you this once more, because I know that you won't listen to me if you don't want to. I'm not like the cove who beat your mother, Beka. I truly and honestly care about you as more than just a friend. I will swear it in front of those mots with sickles if I have to. I. Will. Not. Hurt. You. I swear it to you on my own life, if you chose me, I would never hurt you in any way. Mithros strike me where I stand if I lie," he said. Beka stared at him uncertainly for a moment before reaching up, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him in thanks. Somehow, the sincerity in his expression had won her over.

"Thank you, Rosto," she whispered in his ear. He didn't answer, just held her tight until she pulled away. For the first time in a very long time, she wasn't afraid of the look in Rosto's eyes, the one she saw when Ersken looked at Kora, or Phelan at Aniki. Some promises were meant to be broken. Beka could live with breaking that one – for a rusher, Rosto was a good man, after all…


	40. Dom: My Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: My Confession  
> Artist: Josh Groban

_I have been blind, unwilling to see  
The true love you're giving.  
I have ignored every blessing.  
I'm on my knees confessing_

Looking out across the land between Steadfast and New Hope, a dark haired young man sighed. His deep cerulean eyes watched the horizon. It was still two weeks until Kel and Neal were due to come to Steadfast. It seemed like it was so far away.

Ever since his squad had followed Kel to Scanra, Dom had really been thinking about the Lady Knight. He had figured it out on the ride there – he loved her. For all those years since the day he'd seen her clinging to the rearing Peachblossom, he had loved her. He just hadn't realized it until they were heading towards what could have been their deaths.

Now, he only hoped that she felt the same, that she loved him back. He knew that she had been involved with Cleon before, but now…now, he just didn't know…

_That I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am staggered by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart is turning,  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession._

Two weeks later, once again, Dom stared in the direction of New Hope. He caught sight of something on the horizon. Just as the watch changed, he pulled out his spyglass, training it on the speck on the horizon. It was a long time before he could fully see who it was. He turned to one of his men, who were leaving their posts after the change in watch.

"Tell Lord Raoul and Lord Wyldon that Lady Keladry and Sir Nealan will arrive shortly," he said. The man nodded and moved off. Dom put his spyglass away and leaned against the ramparts. He closed his eyes, feeling the wind blow around him and ruffle his dark hair. It wasn't too much later when he heard the pounding hoof-beats of the horses as they drew near.

He looked down as the riders entered the fort. _Kel._ His blue eyes caught on her as she greeted Lord Wyldon and Lord Raoul. When she felt his gaze and looked up at him, he felt a strange jolt in his heart. The jolt turned to joy when he met her hazel eyes and she smiled at him, smoothing her hair behind her ear. Dom grinned back at her, thinking of how beautiful she was.

_I have been wrong about you.  
Thought I was strong without you.  
For so long nothing could move me.  
For so long nothing could change me.  
Now I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am captured by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart is turning,  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession.  
_

Later, Dom started thinking again. Back when Kel had been the 'Squire of the Own,' he had liked her, thought of her as a good friend, but he had never really known that he loved her like he did. At one point, he had definitely fancied her, but she had seemed so much younger than him at the time, despite the fact that she was both more accomplished than him, and she wasn't that much younger. At the time, he had just brushed it away, thinking that it was just going to pass. That feeling had passed, but it had been replaced by a much stronger one. He had been wrong. Now, he sincerely hoped that he hadn't lost his chance with her and that she wasn't attached to someone again.

It was then that he decided: he would tell her how he felt while she was at Steadfast for the weddings. He wasn't going to let this chance pass him by.

_You are the air that I breath.  
You're the ground beneath my feet.  
When did I stop believing?_

It was less than a week later, at the wedding reception, that Dom once again determined that he was going to tell her. For just a moment, he watched her as she talked to Roald. Clad in a russet and green dress that flattered her in every way he could think of, Dom thought she was absolutely beautiful. To him, she was the most beautiful woman in the entire room, the bride included. Was there really a chance that she had feelings for him, too?

Dom took a deep breath before he walked over to Kel and Roald. Roald excused himself just before Dom came up behind Kel.

"Hello, Kel," he said softly. She turned, a smile on her face.

"Dom!" He grinned, still a little nervous. For just a moment, he hesitated, then decided. He _was_ going to tell her. No matter what, he was going to tell her. He met her eyes, almost losing himself in the hazel depths for an instant. He pulled himself out of it quickly, though. He had to tell her this…

_Cause I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face.  
I am staggered by your beauty,  
Your unassuming grace.  
And I feel my heart  
Falling into place.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession.  
I can't hide  
Now hear my confession.  
Hear my confession_

Dom took a deep breath, trying to make sure that he was as calm as was possible, then he started.

"Kel, every time I look in your eyes, I can feel my heart leap with joy. You're strong, and beautiful, and…I love you," he said softly. She stared at him for a moment, making him wonder if she was upset by this. Then she smiled softly, her hazel eyes twinkling.

"I love you, too, Dom," she replied. Dom grinned at her, honestly glad that he had told her.

"May I have this dance, milady?" he asked. A grin appeared on her face as he offered her his hand. She put her own hand in his and they moved to the dance floor, where the newlyweds stared at them while they danced.

* * *


	41. Kel: 5 Minutes of Fame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: 5 Minutes of Fame  
> Artist: BarlowGirl

_It was a common story, yeah who cares that I changed?  
Why are people freaking out?  
Maybe I gave in more than I should, maybe I sold out  
But the truth was I was really getting nowhere until I woke up and found  
That morals can't take you up to the top your standards pull you down  
_

When Lady Keladry of Blake's Coast looked back on her life, she had to wonder. When she had been dismissed, her life had changed, and not in a way that she liked. She had always been a warrior, but now, she was a court lady, the wife of a noble who stood in the middle ground between progressive and conservative.

Kel could still remember the look on her friends faces when she had been presented to the court as a lady. It wasn't something she had wanted, but it was what she had gotten. She had been sent to the convent. She had become a lady, not a lady knight. She had had a choice in that matter, as well. She could have refused to go to the convent, and gone with her parents to the Yamani Islands with them…

_Was it worth it what I gave away  
For five minutes of fame  
Minutes over no one knows my name  
Or my minute of fame_

Even now, she wondered if any of it had been worth it. She had gone through a year of being a page, tried her hardest, proven herself, and it hadn't been enough. Had all she had worked for, even the second chance that Alanna and Raoul had told her they had wanted to give her (they hadn't told her until well after the fact, though), been in vain?

She had been presented as a lady, had her minute of fame where she was the new one, the pretty one, and then it had ended, and she was just Kel again.

_I always said the thing that meant the most to me was my very integrity  
Who would have thought I'd ever trade it all for popularity  
'Cause the truth is though I've made it to the top I'm anything but satisfied  
I gave up the only thing that mattered for this empty life  
_

She could easily remember that day, and the 'chat' that she had had with Neal that day. He had managed to spirit her away from the festivities, much to her relief, so that they could talk in the corner. Neal had told her that he never thought that she would willingly go to the convent after all of her hard work, and all that the two of them had fought for, being the misfits of the pages.

Kel wished that she could go back and replay time, maybe do something different to get Lord Wyldon to let her stay…

_Was it worth it what I gave away  
For five minutes of fame  
Minutes over no one knows my name  
Or my minute of fame_

Kel sighed as she looked out the window of the castle at Blake's Coast. The area was beautiful to look at; it was south of Corus, on the coast (hence its name), near the desert. That was one of the few things she liked about what had happened. Her home, which she had only come to think of it as in the last two years or so.

Those old dreams of hers filled her mind. Disappointment welled in her heart. She could have done what Alanna had done, instead. With a sigh, she pushed those memories away again. Her chance for remembrance as a lady knight was gone, but she could still do _something._ That was when she heard a knock on the door.

_This time I'm saying no  
This world will know what I believe in  
I've lost enough to know  
That life's too short to waste it_

She opened it to see one of the messengers in her husband's employ. He bowed to her. "Milady, this just arrived for you from Corus. It is apparently urgent," he said, extending the sealed letter in his hand. Kel accepted and thanked him, closing the door before she looked at the letter. Her heart jumped when she saw the seal. It was the crest of the royal family. Her breathing quickened as she carefully popped the seal with shaking hands.

_To Lady Keladry of Blake's Coast,_

_It is with the greatest honor and highest recommendations that I extend to you the opportunity to accept an official position in the Queen's Ladies. As you know, this is the group of skilled noblewomen that accompanies Her Royal Majesty, Queen Thayet of Conté, when the queen rides out as she will. It would be an honor if you would accept. Please send your reply at your earliest convenience._

_Lady Uline haMinch_

Kel stared at the letter before a smile appeared on her face.

_Was it worth it what I gave away  
For five minutes of fame  
Minutes over no one knows my name  
Or my minute of fame_

When she showed her husband the letter later, he was happy for her. He was glad that she could have at least a part of the dream she had been forced to give up – she could still be a warrior; she could still do something with her life. That was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. She was strong, and would protect their children with her life.

Kel was beginning to see that even if she had given up that dream, it was still a part of her. Her five minutes were up, but she really could still do something, just as she had always wanted to. For the first time in a long time, she was truly happy…


	42. Rosto: Per Te

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Per Te (Translated)  
> Artist: Josh Groban

_I smell in the air the scent of you  
Little dreams had lived with me  
Now I know, I don't want to lose you  
That sweetness which has no age  
Your beauty has no rivals  
My heart wants only you_

At breakfast, Rosto the Piper could barely tear his eyes away from Beka. He had taken a seat across from her, and was now watching her. She caught him staring and smiled slightly, a blush spreading across her cheeks. He inclined his head to her, a rakish smile flashing in her direction. She was dressed for her day off, in a light blue dress that looked good on her and brought out her beautiful blue-grey eyes. Even when she dropped her gaze from the warmth in his dark eyes, she caused his heart to jump – she had responded to him in some way! That was worth something to Rosto. Any acknowledgement that she knew he existed was enough to satisfy him for a time…

_For you, for you, I'll live  
Love is going to win  
With you, With you, I'll have  
Hundreds days of happiness  
Hundreds nights of serenity  
I'll do what you'll ask me to  
I'll go always anywhere you go  
I'll give all the love I feel for you_

Hours later, at his Court, Rosto was engaged in a duel for the throne and title of King of the Court of the Rogue. His strength and agility seemed to be waining, too. Crimson threads of blood flowed from a wound on his forehead, as well as one where his lip was split and others over his arms.

Beka had not returned from the Provost's house yet, and Rosto was almost glad of it. This could very well be his last fight, and if he was going to get beat up this badly, then he was glad she couldn't see him now, cut, bruised, and worn. Then he saw her, just entering the inn. Their eyes met, and lunged forward, neatly ending the duel. He opponent dropped to the floor even while Rosto stood from the crouch he had ended up in. He made no obvious acknowledgement of Beka. Their gazes met again when he sat down on his throne again. The message in his eyes was clear to her. ' _If there is anything left in this world for me to fight for, Beka, it is you. I'll win every duel that comes my way, I'll live for you if you'll just tell me that you love me…'_

_Tell me that you know the future, yet  
Tell me that this is not going to change  
Without you I don't want to exist_

Again, breakfast had come, but this time, Rosto had sat down next to Beka. He offered her the jam that Kora had brought to put on the bread she had just picked out. Just as before, she blushed what he thought was a beautiful shade of pink. She accepted the jar, putting it down in front of her and looking back at him.

"Please, Beka?" He asked softly enough that only she could hear it. She knew exactly what he was asking.

"No, Rosto, never a rusher," she replied in the same hushed tone, reaching out to unscrew the lid from the jar of jam. When it wouldn't come loose, she glared at. Before she could say anything, Rosto picked it up and, with a good deal of effort, opened it. He handed it back to her.

"Then tell me that this, at least, is not going to change." For just a moment, Beka frowned at him, thinking that he meant the breakfast gatherings. Then, he leaned in and stole a kiss. He was grinning like a maniac when he pulled away, his eyes glittering. Beka almost punched him, but restrained herself. He was close enough that, considering that they were both sitting, it would only hurt both of them. And secretly, Beka admitted to herself that she liked it when Rosto stole a kiss from her. Instead, she punched him playfully in the shoulder, putting just a little too much force into it.

"Obviously not."

_For you, for you, I'll live  
Love is going to win  
With you, With you, I'll have  
Hundreds days of happiness  
Hundreds nights of serenity  
I'll do what you'll ask me to  
I'll go always anywhere you go  
I'll give all the love I feel for you_

They went on like that for a long time, with Rosto stealing kisses, and Beka retaliating rather playfully. Slowly, her resistance began to wear down little by little. It was one day not too many weeks later, that he knocked on her door before Watch. She answered after a moment, appearing confused when she saw Rosto standing there. She moved aside to let him step in, watching his every move. As soon as the door was closed behind him, he turned, looking her straight in the eyes.

"I love you, Beka Cooper." She smiled.

"I love you, too, Rosto the Piper," she said softly. He stepped forward and pulled her close for a soft, warm kiss.

_I mustn't say it to you, by now you know it  
That I would die without you_

More time passed; it both flew by and went on almost forever for the two. Other than in their public lives, they were rarely apart. It was unusual for any of their friends to see Beka or Rosto in a room where the other wasn't in as well. Even more often, they would find that the two had escaped to one of their rooms, whether it was just to sit and talk, or it was something else.

It was an unspoken fact to both Beka and Rosto that if she ended the relationship, Rosto wouldn't have anything to fight for anymore – his throne just wasn't worth that much to him. He firmly believed that she could go on without him, but he knew better than to assume that he could go one without her…

_For you, for you, I'll live  
Love is going to win  
With you, With you, I'll do  
Everything you'll ask me to  
I'll go always anywhere you go  
I'll give all the love I feel for you_

Several years later, after he had given her the biggest scare she had ever had, she had been furious, relieved, and ecstatic all at the same time when he had walked away from the duel alive. She had come to feel the same as he had – she couldn't live without him, and she most certainly did not want to try.

"Choose, Rosto," she had said. He had known exactly what she was talking about. It was her or his throne. He couldn't have both, so he had to choose which one was more important to him. He looked her straight in the eyes and did what she told him to.

"You, Beka. For you, I'd give up anything…"


	43. Alanna: I Decide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Decide  
> Artist: Lindsey Lohan

_Don't think that you can tell me what to think  
I'm the one who knows what's good for me  
And I'm stating my independence  
Gonna take the road I'm gonna take  
And I'm gonna make my own mistakes  
It's my life  
I decide_

" _You can't tell me what I can and cannot do in my own home, Jonathan of Conté!_ " Alanna of Trebond and Olau's voice rang out in the halls of Trebond castle, not many months before she was set to marry George Cooper, the new baron of Pirate's Swoop. In the dining hall of the castle, the small number of people in the room were all staring at the diminutive King's Champion, was on her feet at the head of the table. King Jonathan was sitting on her right hand, looking up at her from where he was still seated. "You have no right to tell me that, Jon."

_I decide how I live  
I decide who I love  
Choice is mine  
And no one gets to make my mind up  
I decide  
I decide where I go  
What I need  
Who I know  
I'm the one who's runnin' my life  
I decide  
I decide_

"I'm just trying to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life, Alanna. I just want to make sure you're doing what's in your best interest," Jonathan said. Alanna glared at him with her amethyst-colored eyes.

"You can't tell me what's good for me. You can't dictate who I marry or who I love. This is _my_ life, not yours. You aren't going to run my life, your majesty," she spat in response. Jonathan opened his mouth again to say something, but Alanna silenced him with a glare. "Save it, Jon. I don't want to hear it." With that, she stormed off.

_Don't think you're ever gonna hold me down  
Couldn't do it then can't do it now  
I'm kickin' down all the fences  
I'm gonna do it all and do too much  
And if I mess the whole thing up  
It's my right  
I decide_

It was after she had slammed the door on her way out and disappeared that George stepped out of the shadows where he had been standing since he had come in just a few moments earlier. "I can't help but wonder what you said to 'er, Jon. How ye get her so mad?" He asked, looking at the door his Lioness had stalked out of.

"You don't want to know, George," Jonathan said as he got up from the table. Everyone else in the room stared at him, then exchanged glances, completely puzzled. George shrugged and disappeared off again, this time in search of Alanna. He found her outside, standing by the small lake not too far from the castle.

"Alanna?"

_I decide how I live  
I decide who I love  
Choice is mine  
And no one gets to make my mind up  
I decide  
I decide where I go  
Where I sleep  
Who I know  
I'm the one who's runnin' my life  
I decide  
I decide_

Alanna turned, glancing at him through the tears of anger and hurt that were welling in her eyes. A smile appeared on her face.

"George!" She almost shrieked ecstatically. The slight woman threw herself into his arms, wrapping her own arms around his neck. "I missed you, George," she said quietly. George grinned as she pulled away.

"I missed you, too, lass," he replied. "Now, will you tell me what you're so upset about?" He asked.

_I'm taking my own chances  
And I'm finding my own answers  
I'm only answering to me  
And that's the way it's gonna be  
I decide  
Oh yeah  
I decide  
I decide_

"Jon doesn't understand. He's trying to get me to break our engagement because he doesn't think you're good enough for me," she said, kicking a tree stump to try to get her anger out. "Stupid Jon can't keep his nose out of anything," she muttered darkly. George chuckled at that.

"Don't worry about Jon, lass. He means well, he just doesn't understand why you chose me over him," he said.

_I decide how I live  
I decide who I love  
Choice is mine  
And no one gets to make my mind up  
I decide  
I decide where I go  
Where I sleep  
Who I know  
I'm the one who's runnin' my life  
I decide  
I decide  
I decide how I live  
I decide who I love  
Choice is mine  
And no one gets to make my mind up  
I decide_

"I think you're right. It's my life, George, I'm the one who makes the decisions in it. The choices are mine, and I don't want Jon to think he can make up my mind for me," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and looking out at the water again.

"I'm not going to defend him, because if he hadn't thought that, I wouldn't have gotten so lucky. It is your life, Alanna. Jon understands, but he still wants you to be his, like you were a few years ago. Just live the way you want to. No one will force you to do something that you don't want to do," he told her.

"Thank you, George," she said, walking back over and giving him a hug. George smiled and pulled her closer.

"Anytime, lass. Anytime."


	44. Neal: Together Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Together Forever  
> Artist: J. P. Hartmann (Originally Rick Astley)

_You've been such a good friend  
I've known you since I don't know when  
We've got a lot of friends,  
But they come and go  
Even though we've never said it,  
There's something that the two of us both know_

They were the best of friends from day one. They always had been, and they always would be – that was just something that had gone unspoken between them, but they both knew it was true. Neal always knew that there was someone he could turn to when he needed help or comfort when Yuki was away. Even if she did make him eat those nasty vegetables, Kel was still his best friend. They had been friends for so long that he was shocked him sometimes to think that for the first fifteen years of his life, he hadn't known Kel..

_Together, forever no matter how long  
From now, until the end of time  
We'll be together, and you can be sure  
That forever and a day  
That's how long we'll stay  
Together and forever more_

Kel had always told him that he was her best friend, and that, no matter how many times he did something stupid, he was a good friend. They had ended up together at Haven, then at New Hope when the refugee camp had been rebuilt after the Scanran warriors had destroyed it. They had gone to the heart of Scanra, and come back again. She had battled Stenmun Kinslayer and the necromancer she called the Nothing Man, and won. Through everything, they had been best friends, and that was just the way Neal wanted it. He didn't know if he could have gotten through his quest for knighthood without her, his stalwart and steadfast friend.

_Always gone that extra mile  
Depended on you all the while  
Even in the good and bad times  
You will see  
From now until our journey's end  
You know you can always count on me_

Just as Neal depended on her, Kel found herself thinking about how much she depended on him. He was her best friend, the one who she depended on the most – even more than her parents or the men she led. She couldn't see herself without Neal anymore because his friendship had been with her since she became a page. All through those years, their squire years, and now, their years as a knight, Neal had been there in one way or another. Through every triumph and every defeat, he had stood by her.

_Together, forever no matter how long  
From now, until the end of time  
We'll be together, and you can be sure  
That forever and a day  
That's how long we'll stay  
Together and forever more_

Neal walked into the mess hall of New Hope, just thinking about how much that friendship that he and Kel shared meant to him. He looked up and there she was, up at the head table, talking to his cousin, Dom, who had recently returned with his squad to New Hope to help protect it.

He shot her a smile when she looked at him as he neared the table, plate in hand, ten minutes later.

"Morning, Meathead," Dom said brightly, grinning like an idiot at his cousin.

"That's Sir Meathead to you, Domitan," Neal retorted. Oh, how he hated that nickname.

"Is our dear Sir Meathead in a bad mood this morning?" Kel asked. Neal rolled his eyes at her.

"I wasn't until you two started with that nickname," he said.

"Sorry, Neal, but you're an easy target," she told him. Dom chuckled.

"Besides, we love you, Meathead. Where would we be without you?"

"Very, very bored. You would both be very bored." All three of them burst out laughing when he said that. It was a long time before they stopped.

_No matter where our destiny leads  
I'll be there for you, always come through  
And that you can believe_

A couple of years later, the two of them were at a crossroads. One would take Kel to her new post in the East, the other would take Neal to his in the South. For the first time since they were knighted, they weren't going to be stationed together. They would be miles and miles apart.

Slowly, Neal dismounted his horse and walked over to where Kel was getting down from Peachblossom. The old gelding showed his teeth in an almost playful manner (he still loved the sound Neal made when he bit him) as Neal walked over to his friend. Kel turned around and hugged him.

"I'm going to miss you, Neal," she said. Neal hugged her back, wishing that they didn't have to part ways.

"I'll miss you, too, Kel. But we'll write, we'll see each other soon. I'll be at the wedding in a few months time, anyway," he replied. Kel pulled away, grinning. The last time she had seen Dom, he had proposed to her, and they were to be married in Corus after Midwinter. Neal was the first person Kel had told, and had promptly been asked to be Dom's best man. Of course, he had agreed. For all that Dom was a pain sometimes, Neal could tell that his cousin honestly loved Kel, and she loved him in turn. He couldn't have been happier for them.

_Together, forever no matter how long  
From now, until the end of time  
We'll be together, and you can be sure  
That forever and a day  
That's how long we'll stay  
Together and forever more_

Just as he said, a few months later, Neal was in Corus again for the wedding. With snow on the ground and a very anxious Kel to deal with, it certainly wasn't going to be dull. Dom had asked that Neal keep her occupied, because she was so nervous, and Yuki had yet to arrive from Queenscove, and everyone else was busy making preparations for the ceremony.

They were up half the night just talking, reminiscing about the years that they had been friends. It was something that both of them liked very much, though they had not had a chance to just talk in a long time.

_Together, forever no matter how long  
From now, until the end of time  
We'll be together, and you can be sure..._

"I feel like I should thank you, Neal," she said when she got up to go back to her room before she fell asleep. "You've been such a good friend all these years. I didn't deserve to get such a good friend." That made Neal chuckle, because that last sentence was what he had been thinking just seconds before.

"You've been a good friend, too, Kel. I'm certainly glad that I volunteered to be your sponsor. Because of that, we've been the best of friends. And that's what we'll stay, best friends until the ends of our days," he said. "Maybe someday they'll write tales of how Keladry of Masbolle and Nealan of Queenscove were able to do great deeds only accomplished because of their great friendship," Neal added jokingly. That made Kel smile. She didn't care if he was joking. She liked the idea anyway.


	45. Rosto: How Strong Are You Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: How Strong Are You Now  
> Artist: Rascal Flatts

_When she told you goodbye  
You didn't flinch  
When she looked back  
You didn't even budge an inch  
You stood there like stone  
But now that she's gone  
_

"I'm sorry, Rosto. I just can't take this anymore." Her voice cut him right in the heart. His face didn't show it, nor his eyes. Rosto the Piper watched Rebakah Cooper out of the corner of his eye as she fidgeted in front of him.

Beka shifted uneasily from side to side, waiting for his reaction. It was as if she expected him to become enraged by what she said, like she expected him to hurt her. Rosto didn't even look up from what he was writing.

"Just go, then," he said. His voice was flat and seemingly uncaring. In truth, his heart and mind were crying out in more pain than he had ever felt in his life. Beka nodded and began to gather up the things she had left in his room over time. Rosto didn't move until she had closed the door behind her. He put his quill down and burying his face in his hands. All he could ask was 'why?'

Two days later, Rosto got even worse news. Beka wasn't just leaving him, but she was moving out, too. That had been ordered by Sergeant Ahuda, after she had found out that Beka had broken off the relationship with Rosto. She wanted to get Beka out of there – and out of some danger that the she perceived – as soon as possible. It was as if they all thought he would hurt her just because she had ended it. He had no intention of whatsoever of doing that.

It just wasn't fair. It hurt even more when she looked back as she walked away, when she looked up at where he was standing at his window. He just stood there, hurting but impassive.

_How strong are you now  
Without her around  
You can't even keep one little bitty tear  
From fallin' down  
Tell me how strong are you know  
_

It was only in the privacy of his own room that Rosto let down his mask. There, he wrote – songs, poems, prose – anything to make his pain and sorrow go away.

He could tell just how much Beka had changed him, both for the better and the worse. He had thought that he was stronger than he was, but that had been before Beka had come into his life. That was before he had tasted the love he felt for her.

At times, he wished that he had never fallen in love with her, because then he wouldn't be in that much pain, and he wouldn't have to deal with a broken heart. But he knew deep down that he would never be able to bring himself to regret it. He just couldn't bring himself to regret falling in love with Beka Cooper.

_Before she left you told yourself  
It can't hurt that much  
Now you're doubled over  
Like you took a punch  
No, she ain't coming back  
Tell me how much can you take of that  
_

That dull ache in his chest that hadn't been there before plagued him. It forced him to remember the heated pain that had come when Beka had left, it forced him to remember what he had lost.

He missed Beka desperately, but he knew that it was over. She wasn't going to come back to him. He still didn't understand why she had left. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. It was like his world had been taken and turned upside down and everything was backwards and wrong.

Slowly, that dull throb began to fade, leaving behind only the ghost of the pain, haunting him with fleeting whispers when he let his guard down.

_How strong are you now  
Without her around  
You can't even keep one little bitty tear  
From fallin' down  
Tell me how strong are you know_

They no longer acknowledged each other on the streets. Beka couldn't bring herself to just to up to him and say hello, or even see how he was doing. She regretted what she had done, but she was too guilty to go back. She was too scared that he wouldn't accept her, or forgive her. She didn't know that that was what he wanted most desperately.

Rosto didn't even seem to see her anymore. He seemed so sad, so forlorn, that she wondered what was going on in his life. She never saw him at all anymore, it seemed. Beka Cooper closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, lost in thought for a time.

_Tell me how strong are you now – yeah  
How strong are you now - oh, oh  
What's that rule you live by  
You say tough guys never cry  
But how strong are you now_

When it all came down to it, all he could do was wonder. Rosto didn't know if he would ever find out what had happened or why, but he wished he could. He wanted to rewind time so that he could change things, because here he was, the King of the Rogue, and there was nothing for him. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the desk, wishing with all his might. Then he heard it. He heard her voice.

"Rosto?"


	46. Dom: Because You Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Because You Live  
> Artist: Jesse McCartney

_Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart  
It's the end of the world in my mind  
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call  
I've been looking for the answer  
Somewhere  
I couldn't see that it was right there  
But now I know what I didn't know_

Domitan of Masbolle looked out at the scenery before him, rain and all. So much had changed since the day he had met Keladry of Mindelan (now of Masbolle), when she had become Lord Raoul's squire. He glanced back at his squad, urging his horse into a trot. He could almost hear her voice in his ear as he rode on. He would see her soon. He missed Kel so much. The rain quieted a little, but mud splattered everyone as they rode towards Corus from the North. The war was far from over, but Tortall was winning. Peace would soon be at hand.

_Because you live and breathe  
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live, girl  
My world has twice as many stars in the sky_

Every moment that passed, Dom dreamed of Kel, who was back in Corus for her younger brother's wedding. After the ceremony, the two of them would ride back to New Hope together and spend his extra two weeks of leave there, where they could be together. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of her, the strength and beauty that had drawn him to her. He couldn't wait to see her. His world was always brighter when she was in it.

Then the bandits attacked them.

_It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again  
Cuz of you, made it through every storm  
What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside  
I'm so glad I found an angel  
Someone  
Who was there when all my hopes fell  
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes_

Steel clashed around him, even while he fought his own opponent. Swords fell, daggers clattered against tree roots, all while the rain pounded down on them. Cut after cut, block after block, slowly, the men of the Own beat back the bandits.

Dom, sword raised, fought as hard as the others, after being hit by an arrow in the arm when he couldn't get out of the way. His opponent, a man almost as large as Lord Raoul, forced him back. When it suddenly seemed like Dom wasn't going to survive this battle, an image of Kel flashed through his mind. He lunged forward, sword in hand, and his opponent fell.

Finally, the outlaws were gone, either dead, dying, or fleeing. Dom allowed Wolset to help him bandage his arm, but his mind was elsewhere. He wanted to see his angel, his Kel.

_Because you live and breathe  
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live, girl  
My world has twice as many stars in the sky  
Because you live, I live_

The rest of the ride to Corus was uneventful, slow, and rainy. It was almost too much for Dom, who hadn't seen his wife in months, and just wanted to see her face. She was waiting in the mess hall of the King's Own, near the barracks.

When he saw her, Dom didn't care if the rest of his squad saw him embracing his wife and kissing her. She didn't care either. She had missed him just as much. She told him so, too, receiving a happy and relieved chuckle in response. It was because of her, in more than one way, that Dom was there. Not only had she saved his life before, but she was his reason to live, what he fought for.

_Because you live there's a reason why  
I carry on when I lose the fight  
I want to give what you've given me always_

_Because you live and breathe  
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live, girl  
My world has twice as many stars in the sky  
Because you live... I live... I live..._

A couple of weeks later, after they had retreated to the refugee camp that they had come to call their home away from home, Dom thought about it again. Every time he saw Kel, his heart seemed to catch fire, with all the love he had for her. As he had thought so many times before, she was the reason he still went on, despite all that happened to him and his squad, to his friends in the Own when a battle went wrong.

"Are you alright, Dom?" Kel asked when she caught him staring at her, his eyes far off. Dom grinned, standing up and walking over to her.

"More than fine, Kel. I love you, my shining star," he whispered, pulling her close. She pulled away just a little.

"Oh, don't you start those ridiculous nicknames, too!" That received a chuckle from him.

"Doesn't matter. I still love you, Kel."


	47. Rosto: Comatose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Comatose  
> Artist: Skillet

_I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to you  
Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you  
_

Rosto the Piper woke to sunlight streaming onto his face. He groaned and rolled over. Sleep no longer came easily for the young Scanran. Dreams tormented him when he was asleep. He escaped that torment only to be further tormented when he rose each day. It seemed that every night he dreamed of his heart's desire – the one thing he couldn't have. Every night, he dreamt of Beka.

For so long, he had tried to keep his true feelings to himself, but both Kora and Aniki knew how he felt. He barely flirted with Beka anymore, and even she knew that something had changed. Rosto hadn't realized it, but he had become very withdrawn in her presence. Every rejection had forced him farther and farther back in his shell, in regard to her. He loved her, for all he knew it was wrong in the eyes of the people of the Lower City, and maybe even in her eyes, as well. For that, he would let his torment go on.

_Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

_I don't wanna live  
I don't wanna breathe  
'les I feel you next to me  
you take the pain I feel  
waking up to you never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep  
I don't wanna dream  
'cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real_

He didn't seem to realize that his sudden withdrawal had both chased Beka away, and caused his friends (her included) to worry about him. When Beka went out to dinner with another Dog, then brought him home to meet her friends, Rosto had stormed off almost as soon as the two of them had entered. Beka had started after him as he'd stalked past. She had caught the look in his eyes, the glint of jealousy and pain in the sable depths. She watched him walk away from the Dove, wondering exactly what had made him do that. Then it clicked in her mind as she glanced back at her companion…

Rosto walked towards the river as he tried to blow off some steam. The river was where he went when he wanted to think or cool off. It had become one of his favorite spots to disappear to lately. Sitting on the docks was calming for him, it gave him a chance to think.

In the early winter, as it was, there was a thin sheet of ice over the shallowest of the edges, though not in the middle, where the current still ran strong, rushing mindlessly past the docks. The light blue color of the ice so reminded him of the eyes of the woman he loved. Even if she did not want his affection, he did not want to live without her in his life…

_I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away  
Oh how I adore you  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Oh how I need you_

Sitting on the docks, Rosto did not notice Beka's approach on the edge of the Olorun. A sudden yelp followed by a loud splash, however, startled him out of his thoughts. He turned where he was sitting to see a Rat standing at the edge of the river, looking down into the water.

About six feet from the rapidly disappearing ripples, someone surfaced. Rosto's heart skipped a beat when he instantly recognized who it was – Beka. Within a second, the current pulled her under again, but not before she had shouted his name, her gaze fixed desperately on his figure on the docks.

Rosto was on his feet instantaneously, trying to think of something. He pulled off his outer tunic, formulating what he was going to do. The current was too strong for him to be able to swim against it; Beka knew that, too, if she was calling for help. He saw her surface again, much closer this time. Thinking fast, Rosto grabbed a nearby coil of strong, thin rope. He made fast work of securing it to the dock before tying it around his waist.

Seconds later, he dove into the icy water. He tried to locate her when she didn't surface immediately. There she was, not too far upriver from him. Rosto yelped when the water took him under before he could do anything about it. When he resurfaced, he saw Beka again. At the end of the rope, all he could do was reach for her. He knew that this was his only chance had had to save her life. He caught her wrist right as the current was dragging her by.

Rosto pulled her close, even as the water surged over them again. They both gasped when they surfaced. Beka clung to him, clearly shivering. After making sure that end of the rope was tied around her waist as best he could in the rushing water, he hauled himself – and Beka – back towards the dock. It was hard, his freezing body protesting all the way. At the dock, three of the fishermen who had seen what had happened helped pull them out of the water when neither could do it on their own.

On his hands and knees, panting heavily, Rosto glanced at Beka. She was shivering uncontrollably and breathing hard. He reached for his abandoned tunic, thankful that it was still dry, and wrapped it around her as best he could with his numb fingers. She smiled gratefully at him, continuing to shiver.

Rather shakily, he got to his feet and picked her up, ignoring the protests of the fishermen behind him. He had to get her back to the Dove and get her warm, and he knew it.

Part of the way upriver, Rosto caught sight of the Rat he'd seen push Beka into the river. He was about to call the Rat over and demand to know why he'd done it, until Beka sneezed and started shivering more in his arms. He would deal with that later. Beka was more important, she needed his help now.

_Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

_I don't wanna live  
I don't wanna breathe  
'les I feel you next to me  
you take the pain I feel  
waking up to you never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep  
I don't wanna dream  
'cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real_

Hours later, Rosto, now dry, was sitting by Beka's bed, wrapped in a heavy blanket. His dark eyes were trained on her face. The only time he had left her was when Kora and Aniki had insisted that he go take care of himself while they got Beka out of her cold sodden clothing before she froze.

Now, she was asleep, wrapped in blankets with Pounce, Fuzzball, and Laddybuck all curled up around her. Kora had brought a brazier into the room and lit it, cracking the window just slightly so that Beka didn't suffocate. Now, it was evident that the severe chill she had gotten from that dip in the river had turned into a raging fever. Rosto was fine, if a little cold. He had ended up going swimming in the river that he had lived near in Scanra when he was younger before.

"NO!" Rosto jumped when Beka shouted. She thrashed beneath the blankets, crying out every few moments. All three of the cats were dislodged as she thrashed wildly, unable to control her actions. Half of what she shouted was gibberish, but then she said is name.

"No, Ersken. No. Don't love Rosto," she muttered, her voice dropping with every word. His heart sank, slowly breaking, as tears began to form in his eyes. He had been hoping for so long that maybe, just maybe, she did love him as he loved her. Rosto pursed his lips and pushed away his sorrow away when Beka's thrashing became even more violent.

_Breathing life  
Waking up_

_My eyes open up  
Don't leave me alone_

Rosto forced her arms down to her sides, and held her down, trying to calm her as best he could. Kora had gone to get a healer some time ago – where was she? Close up, he saw tears streaming down Beka's face, and heard her voice, which had quieted to a whisper.

"Rosto! Help me, Rosto!" For a moment, he was startled.

"I'm right here, Beka," he told her without thinking. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." Just after the words were out of his mouth, her struggling calmed greatly. A half-smile flitted across her sweaty face as he pulled back and returned to the chair. He picked up the blanket, his dark eyes traveling across the weave of the fabric. He stared at the blanket for a long time before he hear movement from Beka again.

"Rosto?" He looked up to see her blue-grey eyes on him. Her expression was a little groggy, but she didn't seem to have a feverish look anymore. Rosto rose, letting the blanket fall to the ground again. Slowly, he knelt by her bed, brushing a few strands of her damp dark blond hair from her sweaty face. "Thank you, Rosto," she whispered. He offered her a soft smile and moved to get up.

"Wait." Beka put her hand on his arm. Rosto paused, his eyes falling on her again. "Don't go, Rosto. Stay with me?" After a moment, he nodded, returning to his position by her head. After a moment Beka slipped her hand into his and moved a little closer to him. She fought to stay awake as she watched Rosto.

Finally, knowing that she was going to fall asleep again no matter what she did, Rosto leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. As he pulled back, Beka's other hand snaked out and pulled him close again. Before he could react and pull away again, she pressed her lips softly to his.

When she pulled away, he stared at her. A groggy smile appeared on her face as she snuggled back into the blankets, never letting go of his hand.

"Thank you, Rosto," she whispered. "Love you," she added before dropping of to a peaceful sleep. Rosto grinned to himself and pulled the chair closer. He hated the idea of living without Beka, and now it seemed he wouldn't have to, but only time would tell…


	48. Alanna: Leave Out All the Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Leave Out All the Rest  
> Artist: Linkin Park

_I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared  
After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know_

Alanna the Lioness woke in a daze, a voice screaming in her ears. It took her a moment to realize that it was her own and that her husband was shaking her. George looked down at her, his green-flecked hazel eyes worried. She blinked blearily at him, suddenly acutely aware that her body was covered in cold sweat and she had managed to throw off the covers. Her whole body was shaking, both from the dream she had just woken from and the cold.

"Alanna, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" George asked softly, pulling her close to him and wrapped his arms around her. In the comfort of his embrace, she stopped shaking, burying her face in his chest. He made soothing noises and rocked her back and forth.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest_

"It was horrible, George. We lost the war and everyone was in hiding in the desert. I was there, too, but no one could see me," she whispered. "No one knew where I was, but no one cared. I couldn't find you, and I couldn't do anything about it," she continued, tears streaming down her face.

"It's alright, lass. It was just a dream, it was nothing to worry about. This war with the Immortals will be over soon, and everything will quiet down. I'm not going anywhere," he told her softly, reaching up to stroke her hair. "It's alright…"

_Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made  
I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know_

Alanna wasn't convinced of that. For the first time in years, she was really scared. It wasn't the scared she was used to – it wasn't for her country, it wasn't for her children, or her friends. It was for herself, and for George. Scenes flashed through her head, remnants of a fight she vividly remembered having with George a few years before.

" _This isn't about me, George!" She shouted at him. Both of them were on their feet at the table. George was in a rare temper; tired, worried for his wife's safety, and being provoked, he wasn't a force to mess with._

" _Yes it is, Alanna! You put yourself in pointless danger! You shouldn't have done that!" He shouted back. This was one of the few times Alanna had seen George mad, and it really wasn't a pretty sight. But then again, neither was the stocky red-head whose flushed face clashed almost violently with both the violet silk she wore and her hair._

" _Just drop it, George. And you can forget dinner tonight and whatever else you had planned," she retorted. George starred at her._

" _Have it your way. Good night, Alanna," he said softly. He turned on his heel and walked away, disappearing out of the dining hall and into the hallways of Pirate's Swoop._

With the memories like that flashing through her head, there was nothing that Alanna could do to stop the tears. Combined with the dream, the stress, and worry, she needed a good cry to let it out.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed_

_Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest_

"What's going to happen to you if I die in battle, George?" she asked quietly through the tears.

"That won't happen, lass. And even if it does, you need not worry about it," he replied, kissing the top of her head. "Whatever happens, I'll be fine."

"But what will happen to you, to Thom and Alan? To Aly? To everything else we've worked so hard for?" She asked, turning her teary violet eyes on him. George watched her for a moment.

"I don't know. The future is always in motion, Alanna…"

_Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well  
Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are_

Alanna nodded, burying her face in his chest again. She still remember what had happened after that fight – she hadn't spoken to George for a week, all because he was worried about her safety. It had been so _stupid_ of her to do that. She'd done so many stupid things, but still, here he was, standing by her through everything.

She couldn't begin to say how thankful she was that he had put up with her, that he loved her like he did. If it wasn't for George, she didn't know where she'd be. He was the only one who accepted her for who she was, and loved her even more for it.

_When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest_

"Don't let me be forgotten," she whispered into the soft cotton folds of his shirt. "Promise. Don't let them forget me, or you," she said. George said nothing, just continued to hold her in his arms and rock back and forth, trying to comfort her. When he didn't respond, Alanna pulled away a little, making violet meet hazel. She could see everything that was on his mind, from his worry for her to the love they shared. He smiled at her, that wicked twinkle in his eyes.

_Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well  
Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are_

"And I'm sorry, George," she added, allowing herself to be pulled back into his embrace.

"There's nothin' to be sorry for, lass. Nothin' at all," George said as he pulled the blankets up around the two of them and they snuggled closer in the warmth.

He fell asleep again before she did – she could hear the rhythmic sound of his breathing as he dropped off. For a long time, she lay awake, thinking. She could only be thankful. And love him for being a better person than she thought she could ever be.


	49. Dom: Bowling Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Bowling Ball  
> Artist: Superchick

_Maybe he'll change  
Maybe things'll get better  
Maybe it would be nice  
If he wouldn't always put you down  
Maybe things'll work out  
But maybe they'll never..  
And I think you've given him  
The benefit of the doubt_

Domitan of Masbolle sat in his room in the barracks of the King's Own, thankful that, as a sergeant, he was allowed to have his own room if he wanted one. His mind was on Kel. He didn't understand why she was with Cleon at all. Cleon of Kennan was engaged to another woman, and he was just leading Kel on. There was no way that his mother was going to let him marry a 'jumped-up merchant's' daughter who was training to be a knight and had little dowry. That was a fact that Dom knew plain and simple from what Raoul had told him.

She didn't need to be with Cleon if she wanted to be loved. Even if she didn't see it, Dom was in love with her. For now, he would wait. That was all he could do.

_You need that boy like a bowling ball  
Dropped on your head  
Which means not at all  
You have too much to give, to live  
To waste your time on him  
_

Dom saw that look of sadness when she and Cleon broke it off. As much as he was glad to see that it was over between her and Kennan, he did not like to see her sad. She didn't need Cleon, and he hoped she knew that – there would be someone for her someday, and Dom hoped that he could be that someone…

_Maybe he'll change  
If you could be better  
But maybe it's not your fault  
He's checkin out the waitress now..  
But someday you'll change  
One day you're stronger  
And you will have changed enough  
And it's time to get out._

After they had all come back from Scanra, Cleon joined them at Steadfast. His wife had passed away in an accident, and he was grieving. Before Dom could even confess his feelings to Kel, Cleon latched onto her. His claim was that he needed a friend while he grieved. While Kel would never turn down a friend in need, Dom was far less than pleased, and not just because he was planning on telling her. Cleon was just trying to catch Kel again.

_You need that boy like a bowling ball  
Dropped on your head  
Which means not at all  
You have too much to give, to live  
To waste your time on him  
_

Dom shot a scathing glare at Cleon during the reception after the weddings. Cleon, with his arm around Kel's waist, was over by the refreshment table, talking calmly with a couple of other nobles.

Kel didn't need Cleon! She was too good for him! It made Dom just furious that this lofty-acting young knight thought that he had the right to court Kel after breaking her heart once. But, in the end, he knew that it was Kel's choice, and if she wanted to marry Cleon in the end, he would respect her choice. He still thought she was wasting her time.

_You have too much to give, to live,  
To waste your time on him.  
You need that boy like a bowling ball  
Dropped on your head  
Which means not at all  
You have too much to give, to live  
To waste your time on him  
You have to much to give, to live,  
To waste your time on him._

Then he found her crying in the stables not long before she and the others were supposed to be going back to New Hope. Peachblossom regarded him with what could only be a warning look as he very carefully opened the stall door. He knelt in front of where she was sitting, hugging her knees with her head bent. Dom had never seen Kel cry, but it didn't make him think any less of her.

"Kel?" he asked softly. She jerked her head up, her dreamer's hazel eyes wide and full of tears.

"I didn't think anyone else was in the stables," she said in a quiet voice. Dom gave her a knowing half-smile.

"There isn't anyone else down here. Do you want to talk about it?" he inquired. Kel smiled at him through the tears.

"Thank you, Dom."


	50. Beka: Twisted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Twisted  
> Artist: Carrie Underwood

_Baby you're a wrecking ball crashing into me  
Nothing I can do but fall piece by piece  
You broke down every part of me that ever thought I'd never need you, baby_

A decade after she had returned from her adventure in the desert, Beka Cooper thought back on the days when Rosto the Piper had come crashing into her life. From the Shadow Snake case to just the day before, he amazed her. Now, she couldn't remember for the life of her why she had resisted so fiercely when he had made it clear that he would rather have had her than any other mot in the whole world.

All of those walls she had put up, whether they were the ones that she had built up over time or the ones she had put up because she was a Dog, had come crashing down around her. She hadn't been allowed a say in the matter – he had wreaked havoc in more ways than one.

_It's twisted  
Messed up  
And the more I think about it  
It's crazy, but so what  
I may never understand it  
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on  
I'm wanna love you even if it's wrong_

In so many ways, it was crazy and stupid for her, Rebakah Cooper, Terrier, Bloodhound, and Elkhound of the Provost's Guard, to love him. People said that to her every day when they questioned why she had married the Rogue. None of them understood, and Beka didn't care. She knew that no matter how legal their marriage was, no one saw it as such.

Once, that had mattered to her – she hadn't understood that the people (Dogs included) would never see them as together, because they, as a couple, couldn't _be._ It simply wasn't allowed. So, Beka and Rosto went on with their everyday lives, loving each other as they would have anyway.

_Everybody's telling me I'm over my head  
But they don't feel you lovin' me  
They all say that I've gone crazy  
Maybe, but it's too late now to save me  
I'm too tangled_

Every day when she walked out the door, people stopped and stared at her. She had long since stopped noticing. It wasn't unusual anymore. Some of them even had even come up to her and demanded to know why she, a Dog, had put herself in such a compromising position in living with the Rogue and being his mot. She always calmly replied that she was married to Rosto the Piper, the man, not the Rogue. They never failed to look dumbfounded and promptly tell her that she was insane.

Rosto always chuckled wickedly when they went out together and this happened. One day, she remembered, he had turned to her, whispering in her ear.

"Do you regret it?" he asked softly. Beka had stopped, tilted her head slightly upward and stared at him with her piercing blue-grey eyes.

"Never."

_It's twisted  
Messed up  
And the more I think about it  
It's crazy, but so what  
I may never understand it  
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on  
I'm wanna love you even if it's wrong_

Sitting on the seat next to the window, Beka looked out, not really seeing the view. Lost in memories, she didn't hear Rosto come up behind her. He kissed her softly on the cheek, startling her out of her daze.

"Don't _do_ that!" she told him, turning where she was sitting.

"Don't do what, love?" he asked, his dark chocolate eyes twinkling with mischief.

"You're impossible, you know that?" The only response she got from that was another wicked chuckle and having a kiss stolen. Life with Rosto was never dull.

_Even if it's twisted  
Maybe it's not right  
But that's all right  
Yeah, it's all right tonight  
It's twisted  
Messed up  
And the more I think about it  
It's crazy, but so what  
I may never understand it  
_

Nor was it dull when their two young children came galloping into the room on their father's signal, throwing themselves on Beka's lap, both screaming. After she quieted them down, they just grinned at her.

"Tell us a story, Mama," their son, Revan, said. His blue eyes, so much like Beka's, sparkled as he waited. Their daughter, Natalli, waited impatiently for Rosto to sit down before claiming his lap as her own.

"What would you like to hear, Rev?" Rosto asked, grinning at Beka when she shot him an annoyed look for cutting her off.

"The one 'bout the gixie who fell in love with the Rogue, even though everybody said it was wrong."

_It's twisted  
Messed up  
And the more I think about it  
It's crazy, but so what  
I may never understand it  
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on  
I'm wanna love you even if it's wrong  
Even if it's twisted  
Even if it's just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit twisted  
Yeah, it's twisted_

Beka gave Rosto an incredulous look before grinning at her son. Of course Rosto had been telling them stories, he always was, whether it was his children, his wife, or anyone else who wanted to listen.

As Beka wove the requested tale – a tale that she knew far too well, it being her own story, Rosto watched, his eyes glittering with his unspoken adoration, just as their children's did. When Revan and Natalli had both dropped off into sleep, Rosto carefully placed the little girl who occupied his lap on the bed and walked over to Beka.

"No matter how wrong it is, I love you, Beka," he whispered into her hair. She would never understand why, but she was glad he did. She loved him just as much.


End file.
